


Daydream

by Riliane02



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Father issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Language, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-02-11 20:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12942843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riliane02/pseuds/Riliane02
Summary: Natsuki has never had an easy life. Her father is neglectful and abusive, and no one seems to pick up on the situation. The literature club is the only place she feels safe, but she lives with the constant fear of someone finding out what her life is really like at home and would do anything to stop her friends from finding out.This is set in a world outside the game, but is taking references from both act1 and act 2 of the game. I was playing with the idea of having this inside the game but didn't want to break with the characters not being 'alive' while not on screen.Special thanks to Spookysorris on Instagram for helping me with the storyline.Future themes of abuse, neglect, injury and other graphic themes.





	1. Dark skies

**Author's Note:**

> This is a massive first chapter lol. I haven't been this inspired to write in forever so I'm hoping you readers will like my take on Natsuki's life! DDLC has completely taken over my life at this point but at least it's kindling my love for writing. I'm hoping to update this in perhaps a week, but it might not be an as massive chapter. I'm not good at poems but I hope my attempt at making a poem for Natsuki is alright. I tried to reference her other poems to find a style that would match her.
> 
> Enjoy!!

The light filtered through the curtains, bathing the small room in a golden morning glow. One might usually find yourself smiling from being woken up in such a gentle way.. but not this morning. In fact, for the girl laying in the bed that was adorned with pink bed sheets and plushies, no morning was gentle. Even with the birds singing their morning song, children laughing outside her window and cars hurrying towards their morning destination, there was no happiness in her world this morning. One of the fuzzy pillows quivered as the small frame moved just a little, her mind not wanting to greet the rays of morning sunshine just yet.. She never wanted to greet mornings. Eyelashes quivered as pale pink eyes slowly opened, messy hair clouding her vision as she sat up. Rubbing her eyes, the girl yawned and glanced down at the floor where a couple plushies had landed in a jumbled pile, a black and pink kitten laying on top staring... Looking at her with a gaze that made her uncomfortable, so she used her foot to push it onto its side, hiding it's unblinking eyes. The girl didn't want to get out of bed, the only thing she wanted this morning was to lay back down and curl into the pillows, the warm blanket that had kept her company all night. But she knew she had to get up, no matter how much it pained her to move. Turning her head while rubbing her sore eyes, the girl yawned to try and expel some sleep from her body.. It didn't work too well, but she guessed it was better than nothing. The girl kept her gaze to the side while her mind wandered to somewhere happy.. Somewhere she could feel safe, but the illusion was swiftly broken when she came back to reality and noticed the specks of blood on the childish bed sheets. The girl turned her head away, moving her hand to wrap around a cut on her right arm, feeling dried blood against her palm. Memories of the previous night rushed into her head and the girl draw in a pained gasp, holding her arm just a little tighter. Somehow..the warmth from her own skin felt good.. It was almost like someone held her, maybe if she tried hard enough to imagine it, it would feel like someone else holding her. But she knew that no matter how much she imagined, no one else would come to her rescue. No one else would care. Standing on unsteady feet, the pinkette moved to the bathroom on the other end of the hall, keeping her footsteps light as if to not wake anyone in the house. It was only six A.M, and her father shouldn't be awake before an hour. She didn't start school before eight-thirty, but she liked to be early to school. She liked to get out of the house before her father woke. Quietly, she slipped inside the door to the bathroom and locked the door behind her, turning to look into the mirror. Her own pained expression met her, a fresh bruise on her left cheek from the events that had transpired the day before. The pinkette looked away from the mirror, instead opening it to find the med-kit that was hidden behind some feminine products. Her father wouldn't even think to see there. Opening it, she pulled out something to clean the cut with and some bandages. In few swift motions, she cleaned the cut and wrapped it up, putting the kit back and closed the door to the cabinet, being greeted by her own expression again. She looked horrible.. Reaching for a box beside the bathtub, she placed it on the sink. The box was a simple white basket with a name tag on it. "Natsuki", it said with a couple stickers with stars and hearts. The only thing she had in this room that was somewhat hers. At least it bore her name.. The box had an assortment of sweet-smelling soaps and makeup, as well as a couple pink bath bombs. She pulled out some concealer from the box to began covering up the bruise on her face, praising higher powers that it wasn't too noticeable. It only took a couple minutes to cover the bruise up enough to not be noticeable, and she moved on to put on her regular makeup. Nothing much, some eye shadow and eyeliner along with a little bit of lipgloss. She never liked to go for anything that would draw attention to herself. She liked to be left alone. Putting the makeup back, she took a breath while studying herself in the mirror. With some combing of her hair and her signature hair accessories in place, she looked more like herself.. At least, the self she wanted the world to know. The girl sighed before she forced a smile at herself in the mirror, feeling satisfied with how she looked. Happy.. Right? Okay, maybe not exactly 'happy', but content enough to just slip past the streams of students at school. 

Natsuki walked quietly back to her room and put on her school uniform, tightening the ribbon around her neck.. She hated this part the most, it made her remember... Shaking her head, the pinkette snorted and let the ends of the red material fall, starting to hurry down the stairs, though still took great care to try and keep her footsteps quiet. She didn't want to risk her father waking, not when he had been up so late. She had heard him go to bed around four A.M as it had woken her up.. He was never very quiet when he came home from wherever he went that night, usually the bar.. He always reeked of alcohol when he came home. Entering the kitchen, Natsuki frowned and walked over to the fridge to try and find something to eat. There was a moldy tomato in the back of the fridge, which made her wrinkle her nose and close the fridge. The cupboards weren't much better, but she did find a dry piece of bread in a drawer which she snatched up and forced herself to eat. It tasted like heaven, even if she had to swallow about three glasses of water to even get the dry food down. She had found that going without food for too long made anything taste like it was made at an expensive restaurant. Putting away her glass, she took a breath through her nose and walked to the door, snatching her bag on the way. Her arm hurt somewhat, and she was afraid the cut had opened again.. It wouldn't look good if she got blood on her uniform. Would anyone believe her if she told them she had just tripped? Not that anyone cared much. Natsuki only had three other friends that belonged to the same club as she did, but she couldn't exactly call herself close with anyone. Yuri, the shy girl, Sayori, the annoying and happy girl and Monika who was the club president. She had never really given Monika much thought other than that, maybe except for the fact that something seemed a bit off about her. She shrugged her shoulders at the thought and just opened the door, closing and locking it behind her. She had other things to think about than the club at the moment. First, she had to survive the day at school. Her stomach was rumbling, but she couldn't stop to think about that. She had no food, and no money to buy anything. She did however have two cupcakes in her school locker, leftover from some she had brought to the club. Monika had been kind enough to let her have the rest of the cupcakes, even though she had complained about wanting the rest, claiming they were the most delicious cupcakes she had ever tasted. The compliment had made her happy, and she had stuttered while trying to come up with some sort of neutral response. She didn't like people seeing they got to her, it didn't matter if it was a good or bad. It was worse when it was bad, but she didn't want people to feel like they got to her in a positive way either. Neutral was fine, that way she could keep some distance between herself and the ones around her, even if it was usually not her own decision to keep distance. The air was cold against her pale skin, and Natsuki couldn't help but shiver a little. She had no fat on her body, causing a very petite and slim shape which she hated, so she had no real way of keeping the cold breeze out. A jacket was also out of the question, the only one she had was ripped and ugly... She was already avoided enough, she didn't want anyone to laugh at her for bringing ripped clothes to school. What kind of mental image would that give people.. Wrapping her arms around herself, Natsuki breathed out softly as she walked to school. No one else was on the road, it was too early for any sane person to head to school, but she could spot a couple happy families through windows.. She couldn't help but feel jealous. Natsuki kept walking with her head down, arms around her chest and her back hunched down. She surely was a miserable sight.. Until someone came running up behind her. In an instant, she had straightened up and turned her head towards the footsteps, freezing as she spotted one of her .. friends..

"Natsuki! The pinkette sighed and waited for the annoying one to reach her. What was she doing out so early? "Sayori.. what the fuck are you doing out so early?" She sighed once the other reached her, starting to walk towards the school again. She kept her hand on the strap of her bag, glancing at the other female again. Sayori smiled at her and shrugged. "I don't know! I guess I just felt like getting up early for once. I'm always late you know!" Natsuki lifted an eyebrow, noticing the dark circles under Sayori's eyes.. Had she slept at all? She decided not to mention it and just walked on, her aching legs hitting the pavement and sent shocks through her body.. She hated this. He always went for her legs. She guessed he didn't want her to try to escape.. No matter how fucked up that was. Under her socks and shoes, she knew there were countless small bruises and a couple cuts, but she always kept it hidden.. There was no need for the others to worry about her. There had been times where Sayori had asked her about her shaky frame and her bad mood, but Natsuki just told her off most of the time. There had been times when she had almost confessed some of the horrors she witnessed in her daily life, but she had always clamped shut. Sayori was just nosy, there was no reason for her to ask. She was fine. The two girls walked together until they reached the building that housed the school, Natsuki entering the empty hallway and quickly found her locker. She could hear Sayori hurrying behind her but she honestly paid it little mind as Sayori often did what Sayori wanted. Natsuki had always thought there was something strange about her friend, but she kept it to herself. After all, it was none of her business what Sayori did in her spare time as long as she behaved around her peers. Bringing out a cupcake, she wrinkled her nose at how crusty the frosting was before shrugging and taking a bite of it, letting the sweet flavors bathe her tongue. Even if she often shrugged off any kind of compliment, she had to admit that this was one of the things she was actually good at. Baking had quickly grown to be a passion of hers, ever since she had picked up the first copy of "Parfait Girls". Though, she would never admit that a manga had gotten her into a hobby, it sounded like something a lonely child would do and she was not a lonely child. At least, that was what she tried to tell herself, even if her life had gotten a lot better ever since she joined the literature club. "Natsuki, are you listening?" The whine came from behind her and the pinkette jumped before turning her head, looking straight into Sayori's blue eyes. Jumping back against her locker, Natsuki held a hand to her chest, the other holding the cupcake in a tight grip. "Jesus, Sayori! You nearly scared the crap out of me, what the hell is your problem?" The angry tone in her voice didn't seem to bother Sayori who only giggled and held her arms up in front of her, that damn cheery smile on her face.. Did Sayori ever drop the happy attitude? "Aww.. Don't be so sour! Come on~ Won't you let me have a bite..?" Sayori leaned forward, almost looking about to take a bite of the baked treat before she even asked the question, making Natsuki pull back and press against her locker. At least no one else was around.. Natsuki looked down at her cupcake with a frown, feeling her empty stomach rumble slightly. Could she say no? She usually tried to make sure to share at least some with the other girl to make sure she didn't suspect anything. Monika had already commented on her small shape more than once, and she was afraid her cover would be blown any day. "Ugh.. This is my breakfast you dumbass. I didn't have time to grab anything before school, will you leave it alone?" With a pout, she jammed the rest of the cupcake in her mouth, chewing slowly while examining Sayori's disappointed expression. "Aww.. That's mean!" The taller girl crossed her arms over her chest and stared straight at Natsuki, puffing out her cheeks in a pouty expression. Why did she bother? It wasn't like the cupcake would magically appear back in her hand. "I'll try to make some new ones for next week or something." Natsuki mumbled, taking a book from her locker and closing it, glancing down for a second then returning to stare at Sayori's pouty face. How annoying. "Sayori. You pouting won't make a cupcake appear out of thin air, knock it off will you?"

Not wanting to bother with the other girl anymore, Natsuki started heading towards the room of her first class, leaving Sayori behind by the lockers. If she stayed for too long.. She might end up spilling her secret or show signs of pain, and none of those options were very desirable. By the time the club would start, she was expecting everything to have worked out. The hunger usually died down, as if her body accepted the lack of food the longer she went, and she ended up being in a well enough state for just reading at the club. She hoped she wouldn't have to read her poem out loud though.. Monika sometimes made the members read their poems out loud to the others, calling it an exercise for when their club grew big.. Hah.. right. Like their club would ever get more members than just the four of them. The sports club and the debate club were pretty popular clubs, but no one really seemed to pay attention to a small club about reading books and writing poems. She couldn't blame people though, it wasn't like any of the four of them were very.. interesting. They all seemed to be outcasts in some way, except for Monika perhaps. There was something strange about the president of the club, like she was too good for the club she had started. Why did she start a literature club? Natsuki had never really thought of that, but she wondered if she should perhaps ask Monika about it later. It just seemed strange that such a pretty and seemingly popular girl would want to spend time with losers like the three others in the club. Sitting down at her desk, she pulled up her notepad and pencil, both who were sickeningly cute. Her father had bought the set for her when she started, and refused to buy anything else.. Natsuki wasn't too happy about it. She hated always being associated with cute and pink things, and sometimes she wished people would bully her instead of commenting on how cute she was. Every time someone commented on her cute persona, she would shiver on the inside and grow angry on the outside. The words her father sometimes spoke in his drunken state echoed in her mind at those times.. About how he liked how cute she was and he wanted her to stay like a child forever. It wasn't a strange thing to her, as it had been this way her entire life. But Natsuki was eighteen years old now, she wasn't a child anymore and it was strange to be treated like one. Natsuki shook her head before laying her cheek on her arm that was resting on her desk, staring down into the pink notepad. Considering how her father treated her, and had treated her as a child.. She figured she shouldn't exactly be surprised he still acted like this. She shivered at the memories and shut her eyes, wishing the images and words to leave her brain. It almost felt like reliving the horrible events of her past, so she tried her best to push it out of her mind. God, she wished she had her manga with her, but of course that was all in the club room. It wasn't like she could bring it anywhere else anyways, except for the small collection she had at home. Her dad didn't want her to read things like that, and the others in her class laughed at her for the childish hobby. Anime and manga were seen as strange or weird in her class, something only boys did she supposed. Was that why her father hated manga so much? Because it was a 'boyish' thing to like? Her father did seem to have a thing for her staying young and girlish, but she could only wonder.. It wasn't like she could ask anyone about this, no one knew about how her father treated her at home, they all seemed to think he was a loving father from how he seemed at the few meetings he attended at the school. At least none of the teachers had said anything when she came to school limping or a bruise wasn't completely covered up. Sometimes, she had been taken aside but all the teacher had asked about was if she was bullied and if someone in her class had beaten her. Was it really that farfetched that a father liked to take out his drunken rage on his own daughter? It seemed that way from Natsuki's point of view. Glancing up from her arm, she noticed that a few other students had started to enter the room, talking and laughing at some strange joke she hadn't noticed. No one came over to her through.. Which was fine, she wanted to be alone with her thoughts in the morning. Maybe the other could feel it, or maybe they were just afraid of getting her sharp tongue this early in the day. There was bound to be at least five Classic Natsuki events during one school day, where she would bite someone's head off over a dumb comment. Maybe she should try to scale back a bit on the anger, but she was honestly okay with it. Her friends at the club didn't seem to mind much, perhaps Yuri minded more than the others but Monika usually just gave her a kind smile and Sayori tried to calm the situation. At the thought of her friends, she flipped the page in her notebook and started reading the poems she had written, trying to decide on one for today as they always shared poems.Flipping through the pages, Natsuki frowned at every poem. None of them were really good.. She usually tried to keep her chin up and act confident when it came to her poems, but in reality.. She wasn't exactly confident in them. Natsuki would never tell anyone that though, she needed them to think she was confident in what she was doing. No one would ever take her seriously because of her height and cute style, so she had to make them take her seriously in some other way, and that way seemed to be by having a fierce confidence in her writing.Or at the very least pretending she had a fierce confidence. The others in the club seemed to fall for it and that was all that mattered. Looking through the poems again, she gently slid her fingers down the writing to try and pick one, finally deciding one of the last ones she had written the night before. She couldn't even remember writing it, but she supposed it would have to do. Glancing over the poem, she frowned a bit at her wording at some parts but shrugged it off. Maybe Yuri would like it. Besides, she didn't think anyone could call this one cute, at least she hoped they didn't. The words written on the piece of paper meant a lot to her, and if anyone made fun of it.. She would probably bite their finger off right there. Hopefully her friends weren't that daft though, Monika had a rule about not being rude about each other's poems after all. 

Shrugging her shoulders, she perked up as the teacher entered the room and picked up her book for the day from her bag, perking up to take notes. At least during class.. She was able to think about something else than the nagging hunger and the uncomfortable stares of her classmates. Glancing at the girl sitting at the desk to the right of her, she knew they considered each other friends.. But were they really friends when they couldn't talk about her interests? The only thing they talked about was the other girl's obsession with boys.. If she even tried to bring up the new manga she had begun reading, she would scoff and give her a glare. Her friends always claimed manga was for kids, but Natsuki knew better than them. She knew that manga could have a lot of themes that were not fit for children at all. She had even showed Yuri one of her mangas once, filled with disturbing themes. It wasn't one that Natsuki liked personally.. but Yuri had gobbled it up like it was one of her books. The day after, Yuri had come to her, holding the first volume and begging Natsuki for the second one. She couldn't lie, the event had made her feel more secure in the club as both Monika and Sayori had seemed pleased with what happened. Natsuki had agreed in return to read a book that Yuri had given her, and she had been pleasantly surprised. It was a light read and surprisingly... cute. Cute was perhaps not the right word, but it was the best she could come up with. She still wouldn't call Yuri a good friend, but their relationship had certainly improved after the they were able to put their differences aside. Yuri didn't seem as uncomfortable around her anymore either, so that was a big plus. She didn't like it when the club room became a hostile environment with Yuri being shy and insecure about Natsuki's anger and sudden mood changes. The pinkette couldn't really control it.. She was always in a sour mood when she was hungry, which were most days now as her father became more and more distant from the world. He seemed to fill his stomach with alcohol instead of food, and usually the few times he made or bought food, he would eat all of it by himself and leaving Natsuki with only a couple scraps. At least it was enough to survive on.. Sayori had been kind enough to let her store ingredients and her baking supplies at her house in exchange for a few cupcakes, which was a good deal in Natsuki's mind. She would be able to eat and the only thing she had to do in return was to give up a couple cupcakes. Scribbling something down on her notepad, she snorted slightly to herself as she recalled how much Sayori talked the times she baked at her house. She guessed the other girl was probably lonely as well.. Her poems always gave her the feeling that Sayori perhaps had some sort of problem, but Natsuki hadn't asked her about it. She tried to not be as angry with Sayori though, as she knew her friend only wanted to help.. Even when she talked about something for minutes at a time or spread her positivity through the room she was in. Sayori always tried to make everyone smile, and Natsuki had to admit that it had made her smile more than once. In secret of course. But, Sayori would never understand why she wasn't able to be as positive as Sayori wanted her to be, there was no way she could tell her friend what was really going on in her life.

The ball rang for lunch and the pinkette slowly packed her bags, watching her friends and classmates laugh as they walked out the door. Yet another joke she hadn't been able to grasp.. Should she pay more attention to them? It wasn't like they tried to include her so she probably wouldn't. She didn't need them anyways, they were dumb for not approving of her hobbies. Real friends wouldn't tease her.. Throwing her bag over her shoulder, she took a breath and headed out towards the exit, planning on just sitting by a tree and reading her manga while waiting for lunch to be over. She had no money or food, so she had no reason to enter the lunchroom with the others. They would just laugh at stupid jokes or talk about boys anyways, and Natsuki wasn't interested in any of those. She just wanted to be left alone for now. But before she could get that far, she spotted Yuri heading towards her, a book clutched in her grip and an anxious expression on her face. Was something wrong? Perhaps Sayori had said something about how she acted this morning, but she hoped not. Sayori had a habit of overthinking things, though in this case it wasn't exactly over thinking that was the problem. "Natsuki..?" The violet-haired girl stopped in front of her with a shy smile, clutching the book in her arms even tighter to her chest. Natsuki noticed how it pushed her chest back, having some thoughts in the back of her mind about how pillowy it made her breasts seem but pushed it away. She didn't really care all that much, but she was jealous of Yuri's more mature body. They were both the same age, and still Natsuki was small and petite, only small curves framing her body. "What is it?" She stopped, giving the other girl a curious glance, not understanding why the other was coming up to her now. Yuri wasn't the person that usually gave her the time of day, especially not at lunch as the taller of the two liked to read on her own while eating her lunch. Yuri shifted slightly and cast her glance down, seeming to summon up the courage to speak before she lifted her head. "Would you like to have lunch together? I.. I really liked the last volume of the manga and I wanted to discuss it with you if that.. if that would be okay." Yuri gave the other a careful smile, pushing some of her long hair behind her back while looking at the ground again. Yuri was too shy for her own good sometimes, Natsuki thought to herself but she just sighed and nodded. "Sure I guess, I've already eaten though. I usually snack through class because it's so boring." She started heading towards the spot she had been planning again and Yuri nodded quickly before following, holding her bag over her shoulder. At least it didn't seem like Sayori had been a blabbermouth, which was a good sign. Settling down by the tree, Natsuki placed her bag in her lap and turned to Yuri. She glanced at the manga in her grip, feeling pleased that Yuri had liked her manga so much. She had let her borrow the first four volumes of "When They Cry." and Yuri had been over the moon, thanking her for a solid five minutes. Natsuki had warned her that if she abused her manga in any way, she would make Yuri buy her five new one and the taller had quietly laughed before nodding. Even though it had been meant as a serious threat, it had felt nice that Yuri had taken it as a joke. Surely it meant that the relationship between them was improving? Perhaps they would even become good friends, if they kept in contact after they ended school that is.. "Natsuki, are you listening?" A concerned voice reached her and the pinkette jumped before turning her attention to Yuri who was sitting besides her, manga open and with a worried expression. Jeez.. She had spaced out again, huh? Lately, it had been hard for her to keep focused on things around her, and she honestly didn't understand why. She forgot a lot of things as well, just the other day she had completely forgotten to bring a poem to the club. Monika had given her a worried look but had accepted Natsuki's excuse of being sick and having gone to bed early. Monika had nodded and commented on how pale she looked, assuring her that if she needed anything, the club would be there to help. Did Monika know something? The way the club president had looked at her like she knew something was wrong, and kept watching her ever since that day. It was as if Monika was waiting for Natsuki to burst into flames or something like that. It was annoying.

Natsuki jumped as a gentle hand shook her, being brought back into the current reality she was in. A freaked out Yuri leaning towards her, shaking her shoulder. "Natsuki! Is everything alright..? You won't answer me.." Shit. She had spaced out again and now Yuri was worried. Natsuki snorted and pulled away, hating the other touching her. She hated to be touched in general, most touches were unkind. "Of course I'm fine! You don't have to treat me like a child, Yuri!" Her voice took an angry note and she balled her hands into fists while looking away, trying to control her anger. She had to find some way to make Yuri stop worrying about her, the concern in her eyes had left a hollow feeling in her stomach. "We just had a couple hard math questions and I'm trying to remember what the teacher told us." Natsuki mentally slapped herself for the horrible excuse, glancing over at Yuri. The taller girl had turned away, her head down and her hands nervously working on her long strands of hair. Oh jeez.. She had hurt her, hadn't she? Natsuki sighed and pushed some of her pink hair away from her eyes, biting back the sharp words on the tip of her tongue in favor of something that would fix the situation. "I'm sorry, I didn't sleep well last night so I'm a bit tired." Yuri turned towards her, her lilac eyes widening slightly at the kindness in Natsuki's voice. Okay, okay she could fix this situation. "Thank you for caring about me, and .. Sorry for not listening when you talked about the manga." She gestured to the manga in Yuri's lap, glancing down at it before back up at Yuri. The taller girl's expression brightened and she shook her head with a soft smile, seeming happy with the response. "No! No It's alright.. I'm a bit nosy.. " Yuri sighed and pulled her knees closer to her chest, looking down at the manga she was holding in her lap. "I shouldn't worry so much.. I look too much into things and cause problems for everyone.. I'm sorry, Natsuki." Yuri's voice was polite like it always was, but Natsuki could detect some sort of relief in her words. She had probably been afraid of ruining the work the two of them had done on their friendship. For the rest of lunch, the two of them sat under the tree, discussing the manga Yuri had brought with her. It felt nice to have someone to share her interest with, but Natsuki would never admit that to anyone. She was a lone wolf after all, she needed no one to approve of her interests. A fragile lie, but it was one she had to live with. Yuri took a bite of her sandwich while Natsuki held the manga, reading over a couple pages. She had never really liked the horror mangas but.. She supposed it was worth it for Yuri. The smell of the food made her stomach rumble and Natsuki looked away in shame, swallowing thickly. She could see from the corner of her eyes that Yuri looked over at her then down at her food. Breaking off a piece, she held it towards Natsuki with a smile. "You seem hungry still.. I don't mind giving you some of my food." Yuri gave her another kind smile, waiting for Natsuki to grab the piece of food. Pink eyes widened at the offer of food, and she quickly grabbed it from Yuri's grip and wolfed it down. Amusement shone in Yuri's eyes as she turned back to her food, taking another bite. A muffled 'thank you' came from the pinkette as she chewed her food, seeming to brighten up at once. She usually didn't get food from her other friends, except for Monika.. That girl always seemed to have some sort of protein bar in her bag for some weird reason. Oh well, it wasn't like she was complaining. Monika was like the mother of the group she supposed.

Once the bell rang once more to signal that lunch was over, Natsuki got to her feet and picked up her bag. Yuri followed, holding the strap of her bag with another careful smile. "I'll see you at the club?" She asked, her voice soft as usual but it sounded happier for some reason. Maybe it wasn't so weird though, after all she had spent lunch with her which wasn't exactly a thing that happened. Yuri usually spent lunch alone with her books, so for her to even ask that was something special and Natsuki was glad she had accepted. She nodded and offered the taller a girl a bright smile. The darkness in her mind seemed to have lifted just a little bit by the company of her friend, and she hoped the darkness would continue to stay away until the end of the day. The two girls parted ways and Natsuki headed to her next class of the day, already looking forward to the club at the end of the day. The day went by slower than usual, but by the point she was able to enter the club room, she felt relieved. She knew that this was the place where she could just relax and have fun for a while without thinking about bullies or her father. Without thinking about where her next meal would come from or what kind of nasty comment her father would spew at her next. She could walk to the closet, pick out a manga and just curl up in her seat to read. She could listen to her friends laughing and making jokes in the background, giving her a sense of security and affection. This was the only safe space she had, and she hoped she would never have to leave the club. Her father had yelled at her more than once, threatening to pull her out of the after school activities, but she hoped he understood what kind of signals that would send. He probably didn't want to bring attention to himself anyways. The bell finally rang and Natsuki was quick out of the room, hurrying down the hall towards the club room. The teacher that had used the room looked up as Natsuki opened the door, seemingly finishing up her work. "Give me a moment." She finished packing down the papers and books before standing up, tilting her head at her student. Well, she wasn't really her student, just a student at the school. Monika did have this teacher in history though. Natsuki patiently waited for the teacher to leave the room before slipping inside and hurrying to the supply closet to pick out one of her mangas. She wanted something light today, something that could take the edge off.It would probably be awhile before the others came to the room anyways, she had ran here after all, and the others usually took their time. Reaching the closet, she stood up on her toes to reach for the manga she wanted, hissing softly at the pain shooting up her leg. Ugh.. one of the cuts on her ankle must have opened, and she held the manga to her chest, swallowing nervously. There was no one here.. Not yet anyways. Settling down by the floor, she put her manga by her side and begun rolling down her sock examine her leg. She hated the sight of the bruises on her pale skin, it was almost violent just to look at, She was so pale that the bruises showed up even more vibrant in color. Some might call it poetic, she supposed with a quiet snort. People seemed to romanticize everything these days and it kind of pissed her off to an extend. But maybe this was just one of those things you couldn't understand unless you were actually in the situation.

Bringing her attention back to her leg, she grimaced at the smeared blood on the inside of her ankle, reaching into her bag to pull out some paper and pressed it against the cut. It wasn't bleeding much, but enough to show through the white socks so she would have to take them off before the others came into the room. She would just have to make some sort of excuse as to why she had no socks on. She could say the ripped or that she splashed some mud on them perhaps. It wasn't like it was a big deal anyways about the socks, school was over after all. Slipping off her shoes, she used her other hand to remove both her socks fully, throwing them into her bag before she froze, looking at her bruised legs. Shit.. How would she explain this to the club? Heart racing, she shut her eyes tightly to attempt calming down, but it didn't seem to be working. They couldn't know. No one could ever know. Quickly, she picked up her case of pens and tried to find a white one, eventually finding one that seemed to at least match the color somewhat. That would work.. right? The cut seemed to have stopped bleeding by now so she could use both her hands to try and draw over the small smear of blood on her sock. It worked... a little bit, but it just made it look more pink than anything. Voices could be heard in the hallway as the others approached the club room, and Natsuki was still on the floor trying to cover up the stain on her sock. Come on.. Come on! Just a little bit more and it wouldn't be noticeable unless you stared at the sock. She fiercely rubbed at the fabric, letting the white ink seep into the piece of clothing as she begun to hear footsteps approaching the door. Her heart was beating out of her chest, her forehead sweaty with anxiety. She couldn't breathe. They were going to find out. They.. The door opened just as Natsuki pulled on her second sock, being met with two sets of puzzled expressions as she looked back up. Monika and Yuri stood by one of the desks, staring at their club mate on the floor. "What the fuck are you looking at? My socks slid down." Natsuki hissed at the others and turned her head away while pulling on her uniform shoes, picking up her manga again and stuffing the pens back into her bag. Yuri visibly flinched before looking away while Monika held a concerned expression but said nothing. Had they seen anything? If they had, they didn't mention it. Sayori joined them a minute later, furiously apologizing for being late before settling down with her book. The energy in the room was strange today, and Natsuki felt it choking her. The tree others kept glancing at her, almost to make sure she was alright before staring back at their books. It wasn't even a question now.. They knew that something was up with Natsuki, and they seemed worried. Perhaps her jokes she made about her home life were too much.. She couldn't recall how many times she had laughed while claiming her dad would kill her if she brought someone home. The other had laughed as well at first, but lately they had given her worried looks when she joked about it. So she had stopped making those jokes after that, instead just snorted and shrugged her shoulders if someone asked to hang out. Flipping the page, she sunk down against the wall and scanned the page of her manga, breathing out as she relaxed. Half an hour went by before Monika stood up and calling the club's attention. "Okay guys! It's time to share poems now." She paused, putting a finger to her lips before smiling. "Sayori, you share with Natsuki first and I'll share mine with Yuri. Then Yuri will share with Natsuki and Sayori with me. And then Natsuki can share with me and Sayori will share with Yuri!" Her voice was cheerful as she spoke, clapping her hands together and tilting her head. She was always so damn happy.. The short girl sighed and stood up, limping over to the desk besides Sayori and sat down, bringing up her poem. "If you say it's cute, I'm going to beat the crap out of you." She grunted and held it out towards Sayori, getting the cheerful girl's poem in return. Sayori smiled at Natsuki before she looked down at the poem, seeming taken back at first by the poem before she continued reading.

 

"The Playground

The playground is empty  
the children have left  
there is no one left but me  
stuck with the urge to flee.

He stares at my back  
his eyes burn my clothes  
my skin becomes bare  
freezing in the cold night air.

The warmth never return  
even with this tight embrace  
I want to enter the playground  
but then I'll feel like I'll drown.

The sweet taste soothes my wounds  
cotton candy, vanilla and sprinkles  
makes it okay for just another day  
my skies turn a little less gray.

I want to go back to the playground  
I want to go there during the day  
I want to go there with people like me" 

 

She glanced at Natsuki when done, slowly handing the poem back to her and getting her own back. "It's.. It's nice, Natsuki." She gave the shorter a smile which made Natsuki turn away, not really listening to the rest of the critique of the poem. Had Sayori picked up the hidden meaning and just ignored it? She would never know. Standing up, she grabbed her bag and shoved her manga into it, looking straight up at Monika and Yuri who was neck deep in discussing the poems at the time. "I'm going home early. I don't feel well." Her voice was strained, her brain filled with thoughts of misfortune and dread. There was a lump in her stomach, radiating hot pain through her veins. This was a bad idea. She couldn't let the others see her poem. "Don't try to stop me. I'll see you guys tomorrow or something." Monika opened her mouth to object, Yuri's eyes wide with shock and Sayori frowning while holding her poem in her hands. "Don't." Natsuki turned to Monika, pink eyes narrowing dangerously before she whipped around and limped out. The door slammed behind her as she walked down the hall, hoping no one would follow. A part of her wanted them to know.. but she was afraid. Too afraid of the truth to come out. Natsuki headed towards home, towards another nightmare in her sad existence. Maybe tomorrow would bring lighter days..


	2. A storm brewing.

The way home seemed longer than usual and Natsuki couldn't help but sigh, pushing some hair behind her ear. The other would surely worry now, but it wasn't like she could do much about it anyways. Sayori would definitely tell the other about her poem and they would start talking about how she was acting strange. The wind hit her injured cheek like a ton of bricks, making her flinch and walk faster, keeping her head down against her chest. Was her father home? She hoped not. At this time of day he would usually be out somewhere drinking his worries away or fucking some poor woman. Snorting, she shut her eyes for a moment then kept walking, trying to push the image of her father having sex out of her mind. It wasn't exactly a thing she wanted to see while walking towards the house she called home. It was a small house, painted white with two large windows peeking into the living room. It seemed empty which was just fine if you asked her. She liked being alone in her home, not having to worry about disturbing the fucked up father figure she had. Fumbling in her pocket, she found her keys and took a breath before unlocking the door and opening it. Empty.. Breathing out a sight of relief, she locked the door behind her and walked towards the kitchen, wrinkling her nose at the stench. Ugh.. She hated the smell of alcohol more than anything else, not even the underlying sweet scent of cupcakes could make it feel better. Memories flooded her brain at the stench and she took a breath, trying her best not to vomit. She supposed she should just.. try to clean up or something. Maybe it would put her dad in a better mood if the house was clean when he came home, it was worth a shot at least. The kitchen was filled with bottles, some broken on the floor and some even in the sink. There was broken glass everywhere, even in the flower pot which made her nose wrinkle. What had even happened after she left home..? Natsuki kept her shoes on as she stepped into the kitchen to try and clean up a little, breathing out softly. What a mess.. Removing her uniform jacket, she draped it over one of the only chairs that wasn't covered in shit and got to work. Using one of the kitchen towels to pick up the broken shards as to not hurt her delicate fingers, she worked quickly to clean the filth from the room. After all, she never really knew when her father would return from his run to the bars.. She just wanted him to be in a good mood so that she could hopefully convince him to make dinner tonight, or maybe even allow her to make him some. That might actually be a better idea, making her perk up hopefully. If she offered to go out and buy groceries and make food for them both while he just sat on the couch, perhaps this could work out just fine. The idea threw her into a much better mood and she couldn't stop herself from humming softly as she cleaned, quickly filling the bag with bottles and glass, ending up on one and a half bag of broken bottles. It was less than she usually found when she cleaned, which made her again wonder what had been going on. Had he gone into a rage but then someone had come over? To be completely honest, it wouldn't surprise her. If that was the case, she hoped things had gone smoothly and that he was in a better mood when he got home. After taking out the two bags of glass, she got a rag and started cleaning the counters and tables in the kitchen, still humming softly to herself while working. Soon enough, the kitchen held an aroma of soap and clean. It hadn't looked this nice in so long, not since her mother was still around. The thought made Natsuki swallow and glance down, clutching the rag in her petite hands. Her mother had died a couple years ago, leaving their small family in shambles and they had been struggling to pick up the pieces ever since. The day her mother died was the day her father started drinking heavily again. It had been the day he had started taking out his anger and pain on his daughter. Natsuki had tried to help him, tried to tell herself that the only reason he was treating her this way was because he needed some sort of outlet for his feelings. She still blamed herself though, telling herself she was stupid and annoying.. But deep inside, she knew that it really didn't matter. Nothing could excuse the way he acted towards her, even in her younger years when the abuse was just a tiny amount compared to what was happening now. It didn't stop the pain, it didn't stop what happened to her or the fact that she had to live in this nightmare. But it did help the nagging guilt somewhat, even if it often overtook her thoughts and drowned her in the dark waters of her mind.

After a good hour, she was finally done tidying up the kitchen and living room, wiping the sweat from her forehead with a sigh. It smelled great in the house, and everything looked clean. Her mom had always told her that a clean house was a happy house, and the memory made Natsuki chuckle to herself, settling down on the couch. It was just past six, so her father should be home in not too long.. If he came home at all today. Honestly, he could come home everywhere from five in the afternoon to five in the morning depending on the day and his mood. She had been woken up by him more than once, causing her to go to school in an even grumpier mood than she usually was. Being tired and hungry was an awful combo. With a sigh, she picked up her phone and started flipping through the different notifications. A couple game reminders, some new spam mail, an event invitation from facebook and..about five new messages from her club mates. Swallowing thickly, she opened one of the messages which was a worried Sayori trying to contact her. She had send three of the five messages but Natsuki didn't really have the energy to respond right now. Though of course, if she didn't reply then Sayori would probably become even more worried and think the worst of the situation. She had seen the look in her eyes when she had read the poem she was given during the meeting. The suspicion and worry had wrecked her soul and made her stomach heavy with worry that her secret was out. Shrugging off the worry, she checked the other two messages which was a a simple “Are you okay?” from Yuri and “Hope to see you at the club tomorrow! Feel better soon, Natsuki.” from Monika. It felt nice to know the members thought about her, but she still couldn't shake the feeling that they knew more than they should. But with a shrug of her shoulders, she snuggled down into the couch and opened the group message she had with her friends. 

N: Hey guys ^-^  
N: I'm really sorry for leaving early but I really wasn't feeling well. I think I ate something real bad >-<'' I feel a lot better now though !! Thank you for the concern.   
M: We'll see you tomorrow, Natsuki!  
S: Oh, well at least you feel better! We missed you.. :(!   
Y: Please get some rest and drink a lot of water. I can find you some resources if you get worse.  
N: Thanks guys! =^-^= 

Sitting back, she laid her phone on the table and rubbed her face, pinching the bridge of her nose. Crisis averted.. at least for now it seemed. It was better that they thought she had to throw up or something rather than had ran because of the poem she had showed Sayori. Hours went by as she sat on the couch, aimlessly browsing the internet or watching stupid shows on TV. There was nothing special on except for a documentary about bears that she ended up watching. It was a strange subject but it is what it is. At least it kept her occupied until her father came home and kept her thoughts away from what the others might think. Natsuki even experienced peace for a little while, curled up in the couch while watching TV like she was a normal person living a normal life. Though, she didn't even know what a normal life was like. Even as a child things had been strange between her and her father. Her mother had kept all the strange things at bay, and Natsuki had been able to hide behind the gentle woman. Oh heavens how she missed her.. The air in their home was close to choking the father and daughter that had been left, and Natsuki had no contact with her other relatives. She wasn't even sure if anyone lived close by. Maybe it would have been a little bit easier if she actually had contact with someone in her family but such is life. She would just have to deal with the hand that life handed her. Glancing over at the time, she saw that the clock now read nine, frowning as she looked back at the TV. Why was he out so late..? It was never a good sign when her father didn't come home before dark. Usually it meant he was either staying at the house of some woman, or he would come home blind drunk. If the second option was the one that came to be, then Natsuki was in a lot of trouble. Not even a clean house would be able to save her then. Maybe she should just go to her room or something, lock herself away before he came into the house. Standing up, Natsuki begin limping up the stairs to her room, managing to throw her phone onto the bed before she heard the lock turning and the door opened. Cold dread settled in her stomach at the voice calling through the home. “Natsuki! Get down here you little shit.” She knew she had no choice but to comply so she closed the door to her bedroom and started walking down to the hallway, looking up at her father. “Yes, papa..?” Her voice was low and she made herself as tiny as she possibly could. She was terrified. Terrified of those eyes that stared down at her. They were like voids of hatred, paralyzing her until she was unable to move from that very spot. He was towering over her, as Natsuki was only standing at about 150cm tall. Everyone was towering over her but her father was massive. She had never really asked him how tall he was, but she was guessing 185cm at least. Closing the door behind himself, her father turned back to her with narrowed eyes then snorted and grabbed her chin in an iron grip and she winced as she felt his fingers press into the bone. He held her chin, tilting her head slightly while looking his daughter over. “You look nervous.” His breath swirled around her head making her gag at the stench of old alcohol. “Why is that, Natsuki? Are you not happy to see your father?” There was a growl in his voice and the grip tightened on her chin. She would most definitely gain a nice bruise in the morning. “Of course I am, papa.. “ She mumbled softly, trying to keep herself low, submissive. She wanted to avoid confrontation if possible. Her father grunted and looked down at her, a sneer on his face. “I was turned down by some whore at the bar today. She thought she was too good for me.. I just want to come home and see my cute daughter, is that too much to ask?” Natsuki shuddered as he called her cute, but didn't object. Why did he always call her cute..? It didn't make sense. It was his excuse every time she asked for food or when she complained about the cute clothes he bought her. He wanted her to be cute, he always said with a smirk. It always sent a chill down her spine to her those words. It was just wrong for a father to say such things about his daughter or look at her in a way like he did. Taking a breath, she forced a cute smile and tilted her head to look up at him, trying her best to look cute and childish. He liked that. “I cleaned the kitchen and living room for you, papa. I've been a good girl! I promise..” She hated acting like this, but there was no way around it if she wanted to survive living with his rage. Every smidge of defiance and anger in her vanished when she looked into his eyes. His mouth twisted into a scowl as he turned towards the entrance to the kitchen, as if trying to stare through the door. “Did you clean away my bottles? I needed them. Why do you constantly try to anger me, Natsuki? I've told you to stop being so god damn annoying!” The tone of his voice was increasing, making blobs of spit hit Natsuki's cheek and she turned her head away to avoid the stank of his breath. “Look at me you useless brat!” Wrenching her head back, he forced her to look at him as he thrust his face forward. Her neck ached from the strain of her head being turned to suddenly and she had heard a crack. Her muscles wasn't exactly happy for this development. “I'm sorry, papa!” She cried, using the sweetest voice she could possibly muster, even with the nagging fear deep in her stomach. “I just wanted to..” 

There was a loud sound of flesh hitting flesh as her father's flat hand connected with her cheek. Stumbling backwards, Natsuki held her cheek, eyes widening in shock. She felt sick with dread, staring into those blazing eyes that was focused on her. There was no going back at this point, he was too strong for her to escape his wrath now that she had angered him. “Don't talk back to me!” Moving his hand from her chin, he placed them on her shoulders and tightened his grip, starting to back her up against the turn in the hallway leading to the living room. “I wish you were never born, Natsuki! You are such a worthless waste of breath, waste of money, waste of life! Why can't you be more like your mother?!” The words hurt more than any kind of physical hit she had ever taken, but she forced herself to look at him. Her lip quivered and tears started gathering behind her eyelids, causing her eyes to take on a glossy look. She tried her best to hide it, but her body acted on her own at this point. Fear and shame washed over her as she breathed in a sharp breath and tried not to sob. The reaction from the larger figure was almost instant. Her small frame moved as the large hands on her shoulders started shaking her, her head bumping against the wall behind her with a hollow sound. “Don't you even try! No one feels sorry for you! This is exactly what you deserve!” He growled, shaking her body back and forth in rapid movements, making her head spin. She felt dizzy and nauseous, like she was on some sort of carousel. “Papa! Please don't..! I feel really sick!” She whined softly, the back of her head aching with every beat of her heart. At least she hadn't hit the wall too hard or she would have been in trouble. There was little response from the other as he shook her harder, pressing her up against the wall before he pulled her back. Her neck hurt, both from earlier and from the whiplash of being thrown around like a rag doll. The only positive thing about this treatment was how her head seemed to make her forget the stinging pain in her cheek and head, though not for long. Natsuki opened her pink eyes just slightly, looking up just in time to see a hand being balled and pulled back. She closed her eyes again and took a deep breath, preparing for the impact. The fist hit the side of her head, making her head ring from the force. “Ugh!” She wobbled back, lifting her head back up in time for another hit to her cheek, making her teeth connect with her bottom lip. The taste of blood flooded her mouth and she frantically spit it out. A thin trickle of blood painted her lips a deep crimson. She hated the taste of blood.. it made her want to vomit. “Papa..” She whimpered softly, one of her eyes halfway closed from the throbbing pain of having taken a hit near her eye. Her father shook his head, grabbing her chin again and rubbing some blood away from her lips, making his daughter wince softly. “You don't make the rules here.. I do..” He growled, pushing her back with such an impact that she tumbled backwards and hit her head on the wall. Her world was white with pain as she struggled to stand, panting softly. She felt like she was in a fog, a loud siren playing in her head as she stumbled, trying her best to move towards the stairs. She didn't get far though. Her knees wobbled as she fell forward, hitting the front of her face against the door leading to the living room and fell to the ground. Blood dripped from her nose as she had hit on her way down against the door handle. It wasn't broken, but Natsuki had very sensitive blood vessels in her nose so she got nosebleeds easily. All she could hear was noise and footsteps as her father stepped over her limp body, heading into the living room to watch TV and have another beer. Darkness was slowly overtaking her, lights dancing in front of her eyes as the pain slowly faded to a dull ache in the back of her mind. Natsuki's eyes slowly closed and she fell onto her side with a sigh. Darkness overtook her and she gave into the fuzziness pulling at the corners of her mind. 

During the night, Natsuki kept waking up but would fall back into unconsciousness. Sometime during the night, she managed to move around just a little, just enough so she was laying against the wall to try and shelter a little from the cold. It was afternoon the next day when Natsuki finally woke, groaning softly as she gathered herself on the ground. Every bit of her body hurt. Mouth dry, she licked her lips with a soft wince and opened her eyes, or at least tried to. One of her eyes was shut and bruised, there was dried blood under her nose and down her chin which made her grunt softly. Dried blood was uncomfortable on her skin, she would never get used to this feeling. It only took a couple moments before her father stepped out into the hallway, staring down at her. He frowned and leaned down, grabbing her bruised chin gently in his grip. “Aw.. Natsuki..” He sighed and caressed her cheek gently, tilting his head as he stared at her injured eye and lip. She shuddered, hating when he got like this. She knew he never meant the apologies, they were just words. “You know to not anger me like this..” Natsuki looked away, not wanting to look at her father. The way he treated her was wrong. She knew it was wrong, not just the beating but whatever this was. “I know papa..” She whispered, just wanting to get out of this situation. She was shivering from the cold, shame and pain. Her father got to his feet and crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at her. “A lady can't be seen like this. You'll be staying home from school for a week, Natsuki. I've told your teachers that you have a bad cold.” His voice took on a deep tone as he continued and Natsuki froze, swallowing thickly. “If you tell anyone about this, Natsuki.. You know what I'll do to you.” She nodded quickly and got to her feet, steadying herself against the wall with one of her hands, keeping her head low. There was a dent in the wall where her head had hit the night before, she could feel it with her fingertips. Had she really hit her head that hard? At least there wasn't any big injuries, she thought to herself. Though, the bruised lip and black eye were injuries bad enough for her. Not to mention the ache in her entire body and strain in her neck. Looking back at the man in front of her, she tried to keep her lip from quivering in fear. Those eyes.. She hated those eyes more than she would ever admit. The eyes of a father should be warm, inviting, loving. But there were no emotions like that in those voids of hatred. Her father nodded as she stood and turned towards the kitchen. “Go clean up, I'll get you some ice for your eye and lip. It's important that you heal quickly so that no one sees you like this.” He disappeared into the entrance to the kitchen and Natsuki hurried up the stairs, clutching her bloodied shirt as she ran. She would have to get a new shirt for school.. Her father wouldn't be happy about that but he couldn't object. A week home from school, a week away from her friends. She knew that the only reason he wanted her to stay at home was because he didn't want anyone to find out what was happening to her. There was no sentiment for her. If the injuries had been unnoticeable she would have been thrown out of the house the moment she woke up, it was just to keep this all hidden. And if she told anyone, he would end up killing her before she could even call someone for help. There was no hope.. She would die in this home, probably beaten to death by the man that was supposed to protect her. It was all so painful, but she would just have to deal with it. This was her life, her family, her home. 

Entering the bathroom, she looked up at herself in the mirror with a wince. Her eye was swollen and bruised, her lip raised and bruised and there was dried blood down her face from the nosebleed. Her nose was really sore to the touch, and Natsuki couldn't help but whimper softly while cleaning the blood on her face, gently dabbing her lip with a wet cloth to dry and clean the split. It sounded absolutely horrible, but honestly the pain didn't bother her that much. She was so used to pain at this point in her life that she just shrugged it off. It only took a couple minutes until she was out of the bathroom and stumbling towards her own bedroom and pushed the door open. Her father came in a couple moments later, holding a bag of ice which he handed to her. “That's better. Keep the ice on your eye so that the swelling goes down, you know what to do.” Taking the bag, she placed it to her eye with a soft hiss and nodded, looking up at him with her one open eye. “Yes, papa.. Thank you for caring for me.” Her father nodded and started walking out before he halted as he heard Natsuki's soft voice, turning his head to look at her. “Papa.. I'm really hungry.. Please..” His face twisted into a scowl at first, but he thought better of it and nodded, slamming the door closed as he walked out. Natsuki was glad her father was smart enough to know that if he hit her more, she would take longer to heal and the school would get suspicious. That was a good thing at least, she wasn't sure how things would end up if he wasn't scared of someone finding out. Would she even be alive by now? Curling up on the bed, she kept the ice on her eye, her head resting against one of her stuffed animals. It was a purple cat, soft to the touch and large enough for her to comfortably rest against it. She still felt sick after having her head hit the wall and then the door handle the night before, but it would probably pass soon. Surely if she was really injured, she would know.. Right? Shrugging, she let go off the ice and just closed her eyes, enjoying the cool touch on her injured eye. This wasn't the first black eye she had been given, so she was familiar with the healing process. After half an hour, her father placed a bowl of soup down on her desk and left again, making her get out of bed and hurry to her desk. The food was gone in few gulps, and she didn't even care that she hot dish burned the roof of her mouth. A tiny bit of soup didn't satisfy her hunger, but at least it made the worst of the hunger pang die down a little bit. Natsuki stayed at her desk, bringing up her laptop to play some games. Even if she hadn't been able to renew her Final Fantasy subscription, she had a couple other games she could play. Some visual novels, a couple RPGs and rhythm games. Most of them seemed to be inspired by anime or similar things, but she didn't really mind. No one was on her laptop anyways so no one knew, not even her father was nosy enough to look through this. Not that he could anyways, seeing as she had a super strong password. At least it seemed like a super strong password in her mind. Booting up one of her games, she got her drawing tablet and set it up, leaning back to play her game. It was one of her rhythm games, one she had been playing a lot recently and she honestly felt like she was getting really good at the game. Of course, she as a pro at everything she ever did. It was strange how just clicking circles to her favorite songs could calm her down like this, but it was keeping her nerves down and her thoughts away from the noises down in the living room. Her father was stumbling around, probably having started drinking again. She let herself be swayed with the music, turning up the volume and slipping her headset on. Nothing could hurt her when she was playing her games, she was safe in her own little bubble. Natsuki played for hours, only stopping when she heard something during a quiet moment in the game while changing songs, the sound of her phone buzzing on the bed. Ah.. She hadn't even checked her phone since yesterday, the others were bound to be worried. Slipping off her headset, she walked over to the bed and picked up her phone, settling down with one of her other stuffed animals to look at the messages in the club chat.

M: Natsuki? Are you alright? The teacher said you were home sick for the rest of the week..  
Y: Why aren't you answering..? Is everything alright?  
S: We miss you!   
S: Nat?   
S: Do you need me to come over?  
Y: I could make you some tea if it will make you feel better. I have the perfect tea leaves for it. :)

Natsuki swallowed nervously and bit her lip with a wince, deciding it was a bad idea. Shit, she really should have replied sooner. She took a breath to calm her nerves then started typing up a message. She had to make this believable. They would never believe her if she acted any different than she usually did, so she took a deep breath and typed. 

N: Sorry, guys! ^^' I have been sleeping all day.. It really sucks to have the flu! I'll be fine though, my dad is staying home to care for me! I'll be back to school as soon as I can *^*~   
N: If I don't reply to your messages I'm either sleeping or playing games. No need to worry~! \^u^/ 

The others replied with a couple messages wishing her well and saying they would look forward to seeing her again. There was really nothing more to do now. She curled up in her bed, picking up the new ice pack her father had brought and held it to her eye. She fell asleep, curling up around one of her stuffed animals. She wanted the week to end quickly.

The week passed and Natsuki was finally on her way back to school. Her lip had healed almost fully but her eye was still a little discolored. She had used some makeup to hide it though, so she almost looked normal. If anyone asked, she would just tell them to fuck off and that she had been sick. Surely, looking a bit under the weather was fine when she was sick like this. She really was feeling sick though, as her father had only fed her for the first four days. This meant she had now gone between two and three days without food, and it was taking a toll on her health. Constant migraines, shaking hands and pale skin. She barely slept out of fear, afraid that her father would beat her again. He had been in such a horrible mood ever since Natsuki started getting better, even taking to eating in front of her without offering her as much as a bite. It had been physical and psychological torture for the young teen. The day went by better than expected though, and she soon enough entered the club room to see Sayori sitting at a desk, her eyes wide. “Natsuki!” She cried happily and ran over to her, giving her a hug. Natsuki grunted softly and turned her head away. “I get it, I get it! Get off me.” Sayori giggled and let go with a grin, smiling at her friend. Natsuki swayed on her feet as Sayori backed away, but quickly regained her posture. Her legs felt weak. “Where are the others?” Sayori shrugged and looked towards the door. “Probably coming soon. Maybe they have something special planned!” Humming, the female skipped back to sit down, picking up her book. Natsuki shrugged and walked over to the storage closet, picking out one of her mangas and walking to the desk she usually sat on to read. She wasn't able to read for long though, as Monika and Yuri came into the room. The two of them gave Natsuki bright smiles even though Yuri stayed back, playing with some strands of her hair. She knew the taller girl cared for her, but she was way too shy for her own good. “Good to see you again, Natsuki!” Monika nodded and walked to pick up her own book. Yuri gave her a small smile and nodded, mumbling in her soft voice. “I'm glad you feel better..Do you want me to make you some tea..?” The pinkette hesitated for a moment, not really that fond of tea but she nodded anyways, wanting Yuri to feel better. “My throat is really sore. If you have anything good enough to take care of that you can make me some.” She shrugged and looked into her manga, her delicate fingers touching the soft pages. Yuri had disappeared to find her tea set, giving her some breathing room. It had surprised her how caring Yuri had been during the week she had been sick. Yuri had messaged her multiple times a day in their private chat to ask how she was doing, if she needed any tips and giving her words of encouragement. At one point, she even asked about some other mangas she might enjoy. Was Yuri trying to strike up a closer friendship between them? And why? She wasn't exactly sure, but for some reason, she didn't mind that much. Friends were something she really needed, and the comfort of another human felt good. Yuri soon returned with a teacup, placing it down in front of Natsuki with a soft “here..”. Picking up the cup in her shaky hands, she took a sip of the hot liquid and couldn't help but look up at Yuri in surprise. It was sweet. Really sweet, bathing her taste buds in the hot liquid. “This.. This is really good..” She mumbled softly, struck with awe for a moment before looking up at Yuri. “I'm not saying I like you doing it for me or anything! But I guess tea can be good for something.” She took another sip of the tea and turned back to her manga, but not missing the soft chuckle and smile from Yuri before the taller girl walked to pick up her book and her own tea. The club went on as usual, hushed voices discussed lines in books as the first hour went by. Monika stood up once the clock turned four and smiled at the members. “Okay everyone! Time to share poems~ Pick your partners on your own for today, Natsuki can begin picking since she has been gone for so long.” Natsuki looked away, uncomfortable with the spot light but she supposed she had no real choice in the matter. She stood up, but that ended up being the worst decision she could have made at that moment. Stars sparkled in front of her eyes and she had to grab a hold of the desk to keep herself standing. Worried voices flooded her ears but she couldn't hear what they said. A gentle hand touched her arm and she pulled back, stumbling backwards and shook her head. “Don't.. I.. I'm fine!” The hunger seemed overpowering and her mind was swimming in a black sea. She knew this feeling well, and she tried to fight it. She had just gotten up too fast! Right? It was just her blood pressure messing up because of the sudden activity, it had to be. She would be fine. Lifting her head, pink eyes met three pairs of worried eyes before Natsuki crumbled, her knees collapsing under her and her body fell forward. The small female could feel warm arms catching her, loud voices of concern. She could feel the darkness swallowing her, but before she did she could feel her body lay against the person that had caught her. She would just close her eyes for a little bit.. Just a couple minutes was all she needed. The darkness was overpowering and she let herself fall limp as she lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof ><   
> I wanted to get this out before I leave for my parent's place because I don't know how much I'll be able to write for the next week.   
> I need to thank one of my best friends for helping me with the abuse scene, I was very nervous about writing it. 
> 
> Next chapter should hopefully be out before Christmas!


	3. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> This chapter is REALLY short because I've been so busy the past weeks with my family and preparing for Christmas, but I really wanted to get at least SOMETHING out before Christmas. I'll probably be very busy from now until new years and I didn't want to wait that long with updating. I'm going to be introducing MC soon due to popular demand and I didn't want to rush that part, so I'm not going to make any promises on when the next chapter will be up but I'll try to work on it as soon as I have time! 
> 
> This chapter is spaced a lot more than the previous chapters because I had a comment telling me that the long paragraphs might not be the best option, so I tried something new. Do you guys prefer this style of spacing or the old one? I'm not really sure which one to pick and I'm honestly really hesitant about cutting paragraphs this small but I thought I'd give it a shot. 
> 
> Happy holidays everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I'll update when we've gotten into the new year!

There was a lot of noise. Her head felt filled with cotton as Natsuki slowly woke up, but she only made hearing a couple noises that could be voices before she fell back into unconsciousness. Her body just didn't want to wake up yet, and she wasn't sure how to force it. Her friends had to be terrified as they watched her limp body, maybe they had even called the hospital? She hoped not. She didn't want anyone else to know what was going on. Her body had just given up at this point and needed to rest. The injuries she had overcame had been through much for her starved body and she needed time to recover. Breathe.. She had to breathe. Her mind was slowly coming through, waking up at a rate which she wasn't exactly happy with. Everything felt fuzzy, it was like crawling through a tunnel filled with cotton and blankets. 

She just had to keep breathing and she would be able to get through it just fine. This was the only thing in her mind as she willed her mind to wake her up. Where would she even be when she came to? In through her nose and out through her mouth she breathed, not really sure if she was actually breathing or if her head was just giving her the illusion of bodily functions. But at the same thing she could faintly hear someone calling her name from somewhere far away. Were they worried for her? It sounded like her friends were somewhere close by. She had to get to them before they did something rash like calling an ambulance. That would be the death of her.

“Mn..” Natsuki shuddered slightly as her eyes slowly opened, her breathing slow and steady. Someone was holding her head, and it felt incredibly warm. Was she resting on some spare jackets or perhaps a pillow? Forcing her head to look around, she didn't spot no such thing, but once she looked up she saw Yuri's concerned gaze resting on her. Ah.. She was stationed in Yuri's lap it seemed. That explained the warmth. The teen almost got herself comfortable before the reality of what was really happening sunk in. She was.. In Yuri's lap. With a yelp, she started sitting up but fell right back down, her head spinning. A hand was placed gently on her forehead and she could hear Monika's gentle voice to the right.

“Don't sit up yet, Natsuki. You need to recover a little first. Here, I got you this from the vending machine. Is your blood sugar low?” 

Something was pressed to her lips and she grunted softly, trying to turn away. Usually when these things happened nothing good came of it. Opening her eyes again, she realized what was being offered to her was harmless apple juice. She was surprised that Sayori hadn't fought Monika for this, but she supposed her friend was too caught up in her fainting to fight about the apple juice, or perhaps Monika had gotten her some too. Opening her mouth a bit, she allowed Monika to tilt the bottle to let some of the sweet liquid fill her mouth. She swallowed and leaned up as in a way to ask for more. She drank half the bottle before she laid back down with a sigh, finally noticing Yuri's hands still on her cheeks. Her hands were so warm, warmer than any touch she had felt ever since her mother had left this world. And she was in no shape to protest about this right now.

Monika could be heard rummaging through her bag before reaching over to hold out a protein bar to Natsuki's lips. “My mom always makes me bring these but I think you should eat something.” There was an edge to her voice which made Natsuki feel sick to her stomach. Did she know? Surely it wasn't hard to figure out that a lot of the reason she was so small and frail was because she wasn't getting enough food at home. She did take a bite of the bar without protesting and chewed slowly, stuck in her fear. If Monika knew anything, she wasn't saying it while Natsuki was in the room, but she could feel Monika's eyes checking her over while feeding her. She noticed her gaze on her stomach and her thin wrists before back up at Natsuki's face. Natsuki grunted softly between bites, trying to make it seem like she was just enjoying the snack. It tasted like chocolate, which she was grateful for. 

Natsuki finished the snack with a sigh and closed her eyes with a satisfied huff. The bar and apple juice wasn't a lot of nutrients, but it was enough for her right now. Maybe she could stop by the store on her way home. She had been saving up for a new manga but some food would honestly do her more good right now. Opening her eyes again, she looked up at Yuri who was still looking down at her with a worried expression, seeming like she was about to say something. “You look really worried Yuri. Did you think I was going to die?” She was honestly trying to joke, but she could see from the pain in Yuri's eyes that she hadn't appreciated the joke. Had Yuri thought she would actually die? Surely it hadn't looked that bad. 

“We were all worried about you when you suddenly fainted.. I um.. I couldn't help myself from catching you, I was so worried you would hit your head.” Yuri confessed softly, using one of her thumbs to rub over Natsuki's cheek right where the bruise had been. The pinkette flinched slightly and looked away, glancing down. The area was still tender, not a lot but enough to make her flinch. “Sorry..” Yuri's hand was quickly as the tall girl was spooked by her reaction. Jeez.. Sometimes she wished Yuri would be a little less shy. The girl would speak her mind from time to time, or even when she was reading a good book. A couple of times she had heard her passionately argue with Monika over something in her book. But as quickly as it came to, it usually ended and Yuri would look away with a shaky apology. Moving her head a little, she glanced over at Sayori, noticing that her face was almost completely white and she was clutching a water bottle. 

Sayori looked up as she noticed Natsuki looking at her and rubbed her neck with a small smile. “I was really worried.. I thought I was going to faint too when you fell! But.. But I'm really glad you woke up..” She was visibly shaken and Natsuki couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Sayori looked down at her bottle and took another breath then continued speaking. “I wanted to call the hospital but Monika said your pulse was fine and as long as you were breathing it would be okay..And she was right! Maybe you should have stayed home a little more, is this because you were sick?” Her head tilted slightly to the side and there was a smile on her face. At least she seemed to be feeling better. Natsuki shrugged her shoulders in response and laid back, breathing slowly through her nose. She was feeling so incredibly nauseous and her head was still spinning. It seemed like she would be laying like this for quite a while. The school would shut down in not too long though so she would have to go home real soon. What time was it anyways? 

Shifting her eyes to the clock, she noticed that it was just past half five and she begun struggling to get up. “Guys.. The school will close at five can someone- Ugh! .. Help me up..” She grunted and let Yuri help her sit up, feeling her rub her back in a comforting motion. Sayori and Monika gave each other a glance before they looked at Natsuki. “Sayori said you can stay over at her house for the weekend if you want to. We made the office call your dad and he said it was probably best you stayed with a friend.” Monika shrugged slightly and tilted her head. “He said he would be going out of town and that you were supposed to be home alone.” Out of town? Natsuki's eyes widened in surprise for a small moment before she nodded and pressed her lips together. Hopefully the others would thing she was just uncomfortable due to having fainted. She slowly nodded and gave Sayori a nod. Sayori was bubbling with a smile now and leaned forward. “We can play games and have a lot of fun!” For some reason, spending the weekend with the happy and bubbly girl didn't sound so bad and Natsuki nodded. 

Then she noticed that Sayori was poking her index fingers together in a nervous motion and Natsuki couldn't help but wonder what the problem was. “Do you want me to make cupcakes?” The question slipped past her lips before she even thought about it, and she saw the excitement in Sayori's eyes. Of course it was cupcakes, what else would it be. Would she even be in any shape to make them? “I want to invite my friend to join us on Monday. We could really use some new members..” Sayori pouted and looked down at her fingers being pressed together. “I was hoping you could make cupcakes for my friend..” 

Ah, so that was her plan.

Natsuki nodded and rubbed her head, supporting herself with her other hand as she tried to get her head into the living world. “Yes, sure. I have all my supplies at your house but if I need anything more you'll have to buy it.” She could see Sayori nodding quickly with a big grin on her face and she felt some of the tension in her chest loosen up as the others seemed to return to normal. “I'll need to get some things from home before I come with you. I'm not gonna let you force me into your clothes again.” Sayori chuckled and nodded her head, helping Natsuki get to her feet. The others chuckled at Sayori's reaction as her smile fell and she whined softly at what Natsuki said. “But you look so cute in my clothes, Natsuki! Cuter than me even!” Monika tried to keep herself from chuckling and looked away, rinsing her throat. Yuri played with her hair but had a small smile on her face and Natsuki's cheek heated up. She looked so cute..

Natsuki shook the thought out of her head and turned away, walking on shaky feet to grab her bag, keeping her back to the others. She could hear them closing their books and taking their own bags to leave. The school would close in just a couple minutes so they would have to get out soon anyways. Monika came up behind Natsuki and gave her the rest of the apple juice with a smile, giving her a worried glance. “If you need to talk about anything.. You can talk to me, Natsuki. I promise it'll stay between us.” Natsuki silently nodded and continued packing her bag, not really putting anything in it just doing her best to not react to what Monika said. She knew. She definitely knew that something was wrong. Monika left her alone and headed to the teacher's desk to clean up before they left. She knew that the teacher would get really angry if they left the room in a mess, but Monika always made sure it looked nice and tidy by the time they left the room. And it being Friday meant they wouldn't be able to panic clean the next day before school. If it was messy, the teacher would scold them again.

Walking over to Sayori, she nodded to the other girl and followed her out. The two of them headed towards her house and Natsuki silently listened to Sayori laugh and talk about her adventures of the day and how much fun they were going to have at the sleepover. Natsuki couldn't help but grunt a little bit at the fun part. 

Would it really end up being fun? It sounded like a hassle to make cupcakes for some new member that she didn't even know. What kind of cupcakes would this person even like? 

“Sayori, about your friend that you want o bring to the club.. What kind of cupcakes do they like?” Sayori seemed to think for a moment before she shook her head and smiled at Natsuki. “You can make whatever you want? Just make them as cute as you are~ I really want my friend to stay with the club.. I want to share how great the club is with everyone!” Sayori did a twirl that almost knocked her off her feet and Natsuki couldn't help but snort in laughter and look away from her. Sayori puffed out her cheeks with an annoyed huff. “Natsuki! I could have tripped!” She whined, looking at the shorter girl with an injured look. Natsuki just stuck out her tongue at the other and smirked at her. She did care for Sayori as much as she cared for the other members. 

The two girls walked side by side until they reached Natsuki's house and Sayori sat down on the sidewalk to wait for her friend to get her stuff. Natsuki gave her a glance before nodding and unlocking her door, walking into the house with a sigh She wondered if her father would be home. Even if he had told the others he would be gone for a while, she couldn't be sure if it was true. But hopefully he was smart enough to not beat her before going to a friend's house. Surely that would expose him if he was dumb enough to do that. The house did seem empty though and she hurried up to her room and finding a bag to put her things in. She just wanted to bring a couple clothing items and one of her stuffed animals. Picking up the pink cat, she looked into it's green eyes and sighed softly, resting her forehead against the soft surface of the plush. She would just have it in her bag she decided silently, not wanting Sayori to see this side of her. It would mean letting her guard down, and it was important for her to be able to maintain the fierce persona she had made for herself. If she lost that part of herself then what did she have left? 

Hauling the bag up on her shoulder, she made sure she had the chargers and everything she needed, even bringing her laptop in case she got bored. Times with Sayori usually never got boring due to how much stuff she always insisted on them doing, but one could never be too careful she supposed. Besides, there was a raid this weekend that she really wanted to do. Sayori would just have to deal with her gaming for a portion of the time she would spend with the other girl. Heading down the stairs, she picked up a couple other things from the living room, picking out a pair of comfortable shoes and slipping them on. Sometimes Sayori liked to take nighttime walks, so comfortable shoes were a plus. Opening the door, she walked out and locked the door behind her, turning to Sayori with a shrug. “Alright, let's go.” Sayori nodded and hurried after Natsuki as the pinkette had begun walking towards Sayori's home. 

“Wait for me, Natsuki!” She cried, running after her friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a different note, the support for this fic has been so heartwarming for me and I just want to thank EVERYONE that has commented, bookmarked, given kudos and viewed it. This is the best present I could have ever gotten for Christmas! You all inspire me to continue working on this fanfiction. I take all the pointers and suggestions into consideration and keep your kind words in my heart as I write. You are all absolutely amazing individuals <3


	4. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again guys!  
> Sorry for the wait, the past weeks have been insane for me. I have a kind of big change to how I'm going to post these chapters. I'm sure you notice that this one is also on the shorter side, and that's exactly what is going to happen. I'm realizing I'm using way too long to post chapters, so to lessen the stress on myself I'm going to post shorter chapters but I'm hopefully going to be able to get them out quicker. Hopefully that is going to be a positive change. It's hard for me to sit down to write when I'm exhausted after a long day, knowing I'll need 16 pages for the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope you guys can understand this change and you'll be able to look forward to (hopefully) more frequent updates for this fic! Again, your comments is a huge source of inspiration for me and I wouldn't be continuing this if it wasn't for the continued support. Knowing I have people waiting for the next update really inspires me to not give up!

The time at Sayori's place went by too quickly for her taste. The peach haired girl had probably managed to make a large hole appear in her head with all the constant talk of her friend that was joining. Natsuki was no closer to knowing just who it was though, as Sayori had just giggled and told her that it was a secret. Apparently it wasn't fair that Natsuki knew who the new member was when the other members didn't. But couldn't Sayori at least have said the gender or name? It would have made her job of making baked goods a lot easier. 

The whole weekend had consisted of sweets and movies, along with a makeover session that Sayori had insisted they just had to have. She had said it was standard sleepover and Natsuki hadn't been able to get out of it. Though, she had actually liked how Sayori had done her hair and makeup, and she had tried her very best with Sayori but it had honestly been a lukewarm mess. It wasn't even a hot mess, just lukewarm. She had silently wondered if that was even a thing she could say but had shrugged it off and said it anyways. Like anyone could dictate her words. 

The cupcakes were prepared in the fridge, a neatly wrapped tray containing the sweet treats. She had made vanilla cupcakes, figuring they would be neutral enough for anyone to like them. There was a hint of chocolate in the decoration but even if someone didn't like chocolate, they could just remove those aspects of the cake. Play it safe was probably the way to go seeing as she had no knowledge of who this new person was. 

It had gone by way too fast though, and Natsuki had trouble sleeping even when the clock moved past midnight and entered Monday. Was she ready to face the world again? Sayori had made sure she was fed, actually making her some tasty food under the excuse that she was the host. Who knew that Sayori knew how to cook? Usually she was a bit of an airhead, and to be fair, Natsuki had had to help a couple times to make sure the kitchen wouldn't flare up in smoke.

But the food had been great, at least greater than living on air and water. Her father often made frozen food or just bought something from McDonalds for them. Unless he was in a good mood and made them some actual home made food, those were the days she always looked forward to. Natsuki almost made sure she ate as much as she could on those days. She never knew when she would get her next meal after all.

Ah, how cruel fate was. The cold hand of fate wrapping around her neck and choking her until she felt like her body was made of ice. Maybe the feeling was really called fear. But it was more poetic to say something like that. 

Turning over with a sigh, Natsuki stared out at the window at the moon and stars. For some reason, the sight of those balls of gas calmed her down greatly and she sighed, sitting up a little from the mattress she had been given on the floor. Sayori was sleeping peacefully in her bed, her arms wrapped around the pillow as she breathed slowly. She looked so calm, making Natsuki smile faintly. It was nice seeing the hyper girl in a calm state like this. She would be lying if she wasn't worried that Sayori's good mood would go downhill sometime soon with all the energy she was putting out daily. Where did she even find the time and means to replenish it all? 

Natsuki sure didn't find the time to replenish her energy no matter how much she tried. This weekend had done wonders for her mood and energy levels, but they would both drop very soon. The moment she was back home, things would end up going to hell. Closing her eyes, she breathed out again and curled into the duvet, pulling it up to her chin. It was warm and comforting in this room. Sayori's breathing reminded her that she wasn't alone. She knew that if she woke Sayori up, she would be greeted with worried eyes and a warm hug. But she couldn't wake Sayori when it was such a big day for her the day after. It was obviously a big thing that her friend was joining her club. Sayori had always seemed really proud over being the vice-president. 

But still, Natsuki had to sleep somehow. She couldn't make it to school the next day, tired and pale from a sleepless night when she was supposed to meet a new person, nor could she risk fainting again. If she continued showing signs like these, the others would eventually catch on. 

So with that, Natsuki laid back down and held her pillow close to her chest, breathing in deeply and trying to relax. Eventually, she fell into a restless sleep. She didn't dream, it was all empty When she woke, she was even more tired than she had been before sleeping. She rubbed her eyes with a sigh and sat up, looking up at Sayori. The other girl was still asleep which was not exactly an abnormal thing for the other. 

Silently slipping out of bed, Natsuki grabbed her bag and headed out of the room, careful not to wake the other female. After getting dressed in her school uniform and having a quick breakfast, she got the tray from the fridge and walked out the door to head towards school. 

It was warmer out now, and she suspected that summer was on it's way. Spring had been way too long for her, she hated the cold weather with a deep passion. Shuddering slightly, she hurried towards school to drop off the cupcakes in the club room and then finding the classroom she was going to be in for first period. The teacher had been kind enough to let her store the cupcakes in the supply closet during the day, which made her sigh in relief. At least that meant none of her classmates would try to steal some of the cupcakes before she could bring them to club.

The day went by just fine, she had seen Sayori in the hallway during lunch and the other girl had come up to scold her for not waiting. Natsuki had just shrugged and told her that if she wanted someone to walk to school with she should get up earlier. Sayori had pouted and looked away, muttering something about her friend saying the same thing when they walked to school together that day. Natsuki had scoffed at that and looked away, not really getting what the big deal was if Sayori had walked to school with someone anyways. 

The two hadn't seen each other for the rest of the day, and Natsuki had gone to the club room early to wait for the others, idly talking to Monika and Yuri when Sayori finally brought the new member in. She sat up straighter, eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion. A.. A boy? That was not what she had expected at all. Standing up, she walked over to the other with her arms crossed, looking over at Sayori as she introduced him. Leo, huh? 

“Why did you bring a boy?” She frowned and looked to the side, huffing out an annoyed breath. “It's going to kill the atmosphere..” Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Sayori pouting at her which made her shrug and look back at this new member. She wasn't sure how to feel about this development, just watching the other members as they were introduced by Sayori. Full of energy, huh? She wasn't sure if she liked the way Sayori described her but she didn't say anything.

Sayori introduced Yuri and Monika, Natsuki just watching with a pouty expression. Sayori perked up and hurried towards the closet. “I'll get the cupcakes!” Natsuki perked up instantly and cut her off with a sneer. “Hey! I made them, I'm going to get them.” Sayori mumbled an apology, poking her index fingers together in a timid motion. The others formed a table in the middle of the room while she carried the tray over and put it on the table. “Tada~!” Pulling off the foil, she chuckled softly when the others leaned forward to look at the cupcakes. 

The cupcakes were sickly cute, even for her standards. Small cats with chocolate ears and frosting whiskers. Putting her hands on her hips, she grinned and basked in the praise from the others. Even if she had made cupcakes for them before, they always seemed surprised by how good they were. “Oh you know.” She shrugged and sat down, taking a cupcake of her own before glancing at Leo. He seemed to be enjoying the cupcake and turned to her with a smile. “Sayori said you made these for me~ Thank you!” 

Rolling her eyes, she snorted and took a bite of her cupcake, licking some frosting off the side of her lips. “Hm? It's not like I made them for you, or anything.” Resting her head on her hand, she took another bite of the baked treat and gave him another glare. She could see him frowning slightly before turning to Sayori to continue speaking. She did notice him giving her glances from time to time though, but he also glanced at the other members so she paid little attention.

It seemed like this guy was just here for cupcakes and cute girls. She rolled her eyes and took another bite of her cupcake, listening to the conversations going on around the club. Yuri was talking to Leo in one corner of the classroom, seemingly talking about literature. Poor guy, probably being roped into some kind of heavy and dark book. Natsuki knew Yuri's taste well after the taller girl had tried to make her read some book about human experiments. 

“Uhm.. I read manga..” 

Her head perked up and she quickly looked over at the two having a conversation, eyes widening slightly. He liked manga? Huh, that was one good thing she supposed. Maybe he wouldn't be such a bad idea to have in the club. Even if she had managed to get Yuri to pick up one manga, she still thought that her books were a more true form of literature than her mangas. 

“You like manga?” She asked with a lifted eyebrow, wrapping her arms over her chest and giving Yuri a warning glare. The taller girl looked away, starting to nervously fiddle with her hair as she backed out of the conversation. The male looked towards Natsuki before he shrugged his shoulders and looked away with a pout. He seemed to be embarrassed about it and it made Natsuki even more suspicious of the guy. She looked over at Yuri and heaved a sigh. “Yuri, don't stop him if he wants to read some of my manga.” She then looked back at Leo, glaring at him and her tone of voice taking a deeper tone to it. “But if you bend any of the pages, I will come back to haunt you.” 

Leo swallowed thickly and slowly nodded, turning back to Sayori to steer the conversation away from him. Yuri gave Natsuki a glance, silently scolding her for being so harsh to the new member. She moved closer to Natsuki and leaned close, lowering her voice. “Don't scare him away, Natsuki. Your attitude is very … harsh... today. This means a lot to Sayori and you don't want to hurt her do you?” 

Looking down at her hands, Natsuki bit her lip and lowered her shoulders as she realized she would end up hurting the one that had fed her and kept her safe the entire weekend. “Sorry.. “ She muttered, looking away from Yuri. The tone in her voice triggered something in her and she couldn't help but think of her father. Her mind spiraled in on itself and she took a breath, standing up quickly. “I need to use the bathroom.” 

Using her hands to splash water in her face, she rubbed her eyes for a moment then looked back into the mirror. Due to being at Sayori's place, she had no makeup with her so she didn't need to worry about ruining her makeup at least. “Stop thinking about this..” She mumbled softly to herself, looking into her own eyes, examining the tired look in those pink orbs. She would have to go home after club today. She couldn't ask to stay longer with Sayori, the others would start to question it. 

“Oh..What am I going to do..?” She whined to herself and buried her head in her hands, slipping down to sit on the floor and bringing her knees to her chest. Even though she had tried to look online for things she could do, every resource seemed to just tell her to tell someone. But who could she tell? Teacher wouldn't believe her, they were too stuck up and just thought she was being bullied, and it wasn't like they did anything about that either. She was sure her friends would believe her but the thought of telling them felt like her organs were twisting into a knot. 

She couldn't live with herself if her father ended up hurting her friends. If one of them came over to take her away, or said anything then he would go ballistic and either kill her or them. A third option was that he would kill all of them, she realized with a quiet wail of despair. 

Natsuki was seated on the floor for a while, head buried in her knees as she tried to calm her breath. Was this what a panic attack felt like? Her chest was tight, she was dizzy, everything was spinning and her head felt filled with a thousand thoughts. Breathing was hard and her lungs threatened to collapse. What could she do? What was the right thing to do in this situation? The feat of putting others in danger nagged in the back of her mind and made the pressure in her chest even greater.

She felt like dying, or perhaps felt like fainting but one of the two. The three others had another member now, so even if she disappeared they would be allowed to be a club, seeing as the requirement was four. Maybe.. Maybe she could just continue like this, and if it killed her then.. well.. She would be free and her friends wouldn't come to any harm. She would do anything to protect these people, they were so precious to her. The club members were the only ones she trusted, the only ones that made her feel happy. The club was the only place she felt safe, the only place she knew no one would hurt her. 

Well, at least it had been that way until today. The new club member made her feel even more uncomfortable, and she was afraid how he would take her personality. Would he even join? Would he leave and make Sayori sad? Would it be her fault? Would he end up becoming better friends with the other so that she ended up being an outsider again? 

The questions spun around her head and she lifted her hands to grip the pink strands on the sides of her head, trying to breathe through the panic that rose through her, threatening to explode. The pressure was building, she was going to explode. Everything was too much. She couldn't take it..! 

“Oh, Natsuki..”

A pair of hands touched the fingers clutching her hair and she flinched back, looking up at the person that had touched her. When had this person come in? She hadn't heard the door opening. Had she really been this caught in her own head? 

A whiff of lavender hit her nose and she instantly recognized the smell. Those warm hands, the soft voice. “Yuri..?” She tried to focus through the tears and chaos in her mind, seeing a purple and pale blob. She guessed that the purple belonged to Yuri's hair and took a breath. Of course it was Yuri. She had probably followed her when she hadn't come back. Maybe Monika had asked her to come check on her. 

“I'm fine..” She hiccuped, closing her eyes in an attempt to hide the mess she had become. Yuri sighed softly and moved her hands to Natsuki's cheeks, gently wiping the tears off her cheeks. “Natsuki.. What's wrong? Was I too harsh on you? Oh.. Oh I'm sorry..” She apologized softly, looking to the side. Those hands were so warm on her cheeks.. 

Natsuki couldn't help herself from leaning into the touch, sniffling softly. “No.. No it's not you Yuri I.. I'm just having a rough day..” The taller looked back at her, nodding slowly before she looked over at the door. “Wait..” She stood up to walk to the door, locking it then walking back to Natsuki and settled down. “The teacher gave me the keys to the school today so I could lock up.. I.. I guess she trusts me..” Yuri looked away, rubbing her arm before she looked back at Natsuki with a kind expression. “Can I do anything to help you.. No one can disturb us here. “ 

Natsuki bit her lip, silently wondering if she could tell Yuri what was going on. The teen had always been acting strong, trying her best to hide everything. Sure, she often came off as a bit rude, maybe even a bit of an asshole, but it was all in fear of showing her true emotions. And here Yuri was, looking at her with pity in her gaze as she watched her crying, having watched her having a panic attack.

“I.. There are things I can't tell you, Yuri..” She started, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I didn't sleep well last night.. I'm.. Something is making me scared, okay?” She finally spat out, turning away in shame. “I had a panic attack..” She mumbled softly and wiped her cheeks, trying to stop the tears. “I'm sorry you had to see that. If you tell anyone I'm going to tell everyone you liked parfait girls.” 

Yuri's eyes widened at the childish threat before she leaned close and gently wrapped her arms around Natsuki, letting her rest her head on her shoulder. “I won't tell anyone, Natsuki.. Just.. mh.. Just rest, okay? I'll walk you home when you're done. I don't know what's bothering you but.. You've been acting weird lately. I didn't want to ask though..” She lifted her hand to gently stroke Natsuki's hair, noting how soft it was under her fingers. 

Natsuki sobbed quietly and nodded before she leaned into the touch, closing her eyes as she listened to Yuri's comforting voice. Maybe this wasn't so bad. It was shameful, and she felt a small blush creep onto her cheeks. She had never seen this side of Yuri before, so warm and caring. Usually the tall girl was hidden behind some kind of veil, like she was afraid of showing any emotion other than embarrassment. Was she hiding her own emotions, just like Natsuki was? 

“Thank you.. Yuri..” She mumbled softly and nuzzled her head into her shoulder and breathing in the scent of her perfume. The warmth and comfort lulled her to sleep, and she slumped against Yuri, arms being wrapped around her and holding her securely. She felt warm, safe, comforted.. It felt like nothing could take her away from this safety. But of course, all good things must come to an end..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took reference from the game for MC entering the club, but since this is a gameless AU and a different timeline, it's not completely the same. Hope the references were noticeable though~!   
> I'll be trying to sneak in more small references to the game dialogue and such in this fic in the future.


	5. Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> This chapter contains heavily implied sexual abuse. If you are sensitive to this, please skip this one. There isn't a lot or anything graphic but I would still like to warn you.   
> Other than that, I hope you enjoy this next chapter. Things will soon start to look up, I promise.

A glass shattered against the wall and she had to duck out of the way quickly, dodging the shards that came dangerously close to her face. Her father sneered at her, eyes lit with rage as he stared at his daughter. “Why are you home so late? I told you to be home by five!” Raising his hand, he slapped her across the face before picking up another bottle, drinking heavily from it. The stench of alcohol bathed her in a haze and she shuddered. “Papa, I'm sorry but I fell asleep at school.” She dodged another bottle, backing into a corner of the room

His breath bathed over her as he leaned close, grabbing her wrist to hold against the wall. She had to force herself not to gag at the stench of old alcohol, but she kept her head up to meet his eyes. “You're not going back to school.” He growled into her ear, keeping his grip on her wrist. She could feel bruises forming on her cheek and wrist, the pain numbing her mind just enough to keep her from going into a panic. 

“Papa! You can't keep me away from school. Then the teachers will come here!” Her father snorted and tightened his grip on her wrist, feeling something shift under his hand. Natsuki let out a strangled cry in pain, trembling slightly in fear that he would break her wrist. He was so angry. Why was he so angry? Everything was going wrong, everything was getting worse. 

“I've already called the school and told them we're going on a three week vacation. They're going to send your homework to my e-mail. They said it was okay because it's supposed to be for your mother.” His eyes had a wild look to them as he gripped her by the arm, to drag her to her room and threw her on the floor. 

Did this actually happen? Had he really just used her dead mom as an excuse to have her home? As an excuse to beat her? Her eyes widened in dismay as she attempted to sit up, the exhaustion and pain keeping her down. Her wrist was deeply bruised and she could feel heat coming from the area where he gripped her. Was it broken? She wasn't sure but she knew she was unable to put any weight on it. Somewhere in her mind, she hoped it was just bruised. 

Her father made an unpleasant sound as he looked down at his daughter, lips curling into a snarl. “You are worthless. Absolutely pathetic. Your mother would be ashamed of you if she saw you like this.” He used his foot to lift her chin, making Natsuki look at him. With a shake off his head, he firmly kicked her in the shoulder, enjoying the way his daughter cried out in pain.   
When he left the room, she was left on the floor. Natsuki didn't move for a solid half hour after the experience, shivering on the floor as she tried to take this all in. How had everything gone wrong so quickly..? Thinking back, she tried to go through the events of the day in an attempt to make sense of it all. 

It had been late when she woke up from her nap, curled up on the bathroom floor next to her friend. She hadn't looked at the clock, but she was pretty sure it was close to seven. She had not really thought much about ti at the time, but staying that late was clearly not something her father appreciated. 

Yuri had walked her home, holding her hand as the cold weather buffeted their clothes and hair. She had blushed while she did, making up something about not wanting Natsuki to slip. The gesture had been appreciated and welcomed, like a ray of bright sunshine through her cloudy skies. The walk home hadn't been that bad, none of the fear that had been present in her life for the past years. 

Yuri had made all of that disappear for just a couple moments, and she felt her heart soar at the attention the other female was giving her. It had been a long time since she had felt safe like this. Since she had felt loved. 

The moment she had gotten home, her father had yelled. He had thrown punched which she had been able to avoid for the first half hour, but his anger had increased over time. Now he was stomping around the class while his daughter was laying on the floor of her room. Her nose was still bleeding, and there was a cut on her forehead. But she felt too numb to feel pain right now. 

Slowly, Natsuki crawled to her knees and held her arm in her lap, feeling tears prick at the corners of her eyes. Why was this happening to her? This wasn't fair. None of this was fear. What had she done wrong? Why was life punishing her this way? A sob made it past her broken lips and she curled up on the floor.

Her life had been a living hell ever since her mother left this world six years ago. She had slowly left her and her father due to some mysterious illness. She had never been told what it was, she was too young to understand back then, and whenever she brought it up with her father he just scowled at her. 

She supposed he didn't want to think about it, but she had always been wondering what kind of sickness that took her mother from her. Her father hadn't been the same ever since that happened. It honestly felt like she had lost both parents when her mother died. The pain hurt more than anything she had ever felt. No stab or scratch could hurt like this, not even a broken bone could rival it. 

The rejection of a father was the worst pain imaginable, the physical trauma that haunted her every single waking moment. Her father might not be dead, but he was not a father anymore. He was a ghost of the caring figure he had once been. 

Rising from her place on the ground, she held her side with a groan and stumbled over to her bed, pulling out the drawer on her night table to find one of her most priced possessions. A picture of her mother and father, long before this had ever happened. Thinking back, she had never really seen any signs that warned her of the person her father would become. 

He had always been kind, caring, loving. The kind of father that would run around pretending to be your horse as you played princess in the back yard. The kind of father that winked at you and slipped you an extra piece of candy or sang you to sleep when you had nightmares. As a child, she had never seen such a thing coming, and neither had her mother. The love that shone in her mother's eyes as she held her child close, leaning on her husband made Natsuki's eyes tear up and hold the picture to her chest. 

The tears stung her wounds, but she couldn't stop crying. Quiet hiccups breaking past her lips as she held the picture closer. Her worst fear was letting her father hear her cry, letting him see weakness. She would be scolded and possibly punished harder. With three weeks off school, she could imagine the ordeals she would go through. Leaning her head down to touch the frame of the picture, she whispered softly. “I love you, mom..” 

Days passed, and it was quiet at first, her wrist swelling up to the point that she had begged for some ice. Her father and grunted before complying, letting her have an ice pack to press to her broken wrist. What if the bone healed wrong? Would she never be able to use her wrist again? At least it wasn't the wrist she wrote with, she supposed, trying to find the positive in this situation. 

Natsuki tried her best to keep her father happy, sitting close to him when he wanted company, listening when he complained about some “bitch at the bar”, cooking, cleaning. Everything she could do to please him, she did in an instant. But still it felt like a bomb was about to go off in the small house on the end of a street. 

Natsuki barely ate and slept, dark bags under her eyes and her features become more sunken, pale. She was used to little food, but not used to not food at all. Her stomach constantly felt like it was trying to eat himself, and the pain made her grumpy, but she never dared ask for food. Her father would shoot her glanced of contempt every time he ate. 

Sometimes, she was lucky to get a couple scraps as usual but most nights she went to bed early. Curled up with one of her stuffed animals as she hummed herself to sleep, but was often unable to get a wink of sleep. She was always watching, on guard for her father to come barging into her room and yell or make a scene. 

But it didn't happen, not for the first week she was off school. Her friends worried though, but she just told them that she was on vacation and would be home soon enough. They bought it and wished her a happy holiday. The only one that showed some concern seemed to be Yuri, asking if she was really okay in a private message. 

Her heart stung for her friend but she assured her she would be alright. Having her friends worry or imagine the things that happened behind closed doors was the least thing she wanted right now. She had enough with caring for herself and guarding for her father, that the thought of someone coming over was terrifying. 

What if he hurt Yuri? What if he told her she couldn't see Yuri ever again? What if he stopped Natsuki from going to club? If her father knew that Natsuki had feelings for a girl, that was probably exactly what would happen. He had always said he wanted her to remain pure, to remain a virgin. He didn't want her to talk to any boys, probably figuring she would never fall for a girl. 

But oh, that was exactly what she had done. 

Her heart pounded in her chest every single time the tall girl entered her thoughts, and there was just no other way of explaining it. She was in love. With a girl that she always argued with. A girl that had recently begun to show her love and care. Natsuki had always looked up to Yuri, causing her to criticize the taller girl quite a lot. She supposed she was just hesitant to admit she looked up to another person.

After all, she never wanted anyone to get close to her, not really. Every time someone got close to her, they were taken away or ended up hurting her. Natsuki wasn't sure how much more of this she could take, how much more heartache she could experience before her heart would cave in and she would die. Could a person die from this? Is it possible to die from a broken heart?

She sighed softly and shook her head, getting up to prepare dinner for when her father returned. He had been quite happy recently, as he seemed to have found a woman that was interested in him. She shuddered as she remembered the night before when he had taken her home and she had heard some questionable sounds. 

But at least he was happy, and maybe he would let her go to school soon. She supposed she could hide the cut on her forehead behind her bangs, and her broken wrist could be explained away as falling down the stairs once she got to school. She had done this once before when her ankle had been broken three years ago. 

The school had been terrified she would sue but she had shrugged it off and just told them it was n accident. It had never really been brought up again. Shouldn't someone have figured out that something was happening? No one had seen her fall, and it had followed weeks of bruises. Maybe no one cared. 

With a sigh, she begun to work on some pasta for her father, allowing herself to take a couple bites of the food as she was cooking, he wasn't home yet after all. Natsuki was just so hungry, and every little thing seemed to help, though sometimes it made the hunger even worse. 

She hummed softly and reached over for the spices for the sauce, smiling faintly to herself. This wasn't so bad. She lowed cooking, and she was actually very happy right now. Well, except for the pain and hunger, but it was better than most other things. It was so quiet, so nice.. 

Oh if only the quiet lasted.. 

A scream tore through the night, coming from the room of the young girl as her father pushed the door open in the middle of the night. It had been two weeks since she had been to school, and things had been going so well. 

They had been going well up until the girl her father had been interested in had dumped him. That had been about a day ago, and her father was finally dealing with the rage. He stormed into her room, taking another large sip from a bottle and growled at Natsuki. “It's all your fault you useless slut!” He began, making Natsuki back up in her bed, holding her injured wrist protectively. “Papa! Please, what did I do? I've been good, right?” She whimpered softly, starting to tear up. 

Her father growled and put the bottle down, starting to walk towards her. “No. No you haven't, Natsuki. She left. She left because I still have a child living at home. You're an adult! Why are you not living on your own yet?!” Cold fear shot through her and she swallowed thickly. Was he going to throw her out? 

“It.. It's because I want to be here with you, papa..” She purred softly and stood up to walk to him, feeling disgusted at herself as she placed a hand on her cheek, having to stand up on her toes to reach. He grunted, giving her a glance before he shrugged his shoulders and grabbed her wrist, squeezing it. 

Natsuki cried out in pain, her knees feeling weak as he held her injured wrist. It hurt. It hurt so much, “Papa.. Papa that hurts!” She sobbed, trying to pry his fingers off her. Her father just laughed and held it harder, enjoying the pain on her face. “Good. I want you to feel pain, I want you to be punished for making the love of my life leave.” 

Pulling his arm back, he threw her at the wall and chuckled in amusement as she slumped to the ground like a rag doll. Walking over to her, he kicked her in the stomach before kneeling down besides her and tilting his head. “Natsuki.. My dear Natsuki.. You need to start making yourself useful to me.” 

She whimpered softly and looked up at him, coughing slightly. Her chin was grabbed in his grip and she opened her eyes halfway, feeling faint from her head hitting the wall. She whimpered softly and let her head drop, giving into his demands. She was too tired, too hungry.. “I'll do anything, papa.. Please just.. Please just feed me..” She whispered, feeling every ounce of drive leave her.

He laughed and leaned close, stroking a finger over her cheek, making Natsuki shiver. She knew exactly what he wanted, the things he didn't get from his other women. “Good girl, Natsuki.. You've finally given into me, huh? It's time you learn your place..Of course I'll let you eat, you've been a good girl.” 

Her pink eyes opened as she looked at him, feeling her breath stuck in her throat. She never wanted this to happen. What kind of father did this to their daughter? Which kind of father wanted to.. 

She whined softly as she was lifted up, her entire body feeling broken under his touch, but she shut up once she was hushed by the man holding her in a tight grip. Natsuki let herself go limp, eyes closing as she accepted her fate... 

Three days passed of this torture. Natsuki had to be in her silky night gown at every single time, not being allowed to leave her father's bed. He did feed her though, letting her eat soup and mushed up foods. One time he had made her a smoothie that had actually tasted like heaven. He had put vanilla ice cream, banana, milk and yogurt. She had eaten all of it eagerly, forgetting for a moment what kind of messed up things were happening. 

For once she could pretend that her father was caring for her, that he was an actual father and not some kind of monster. But of course, the illusion only lasted for a little while then it was back to this hell. 

Natsuki's phone had been turned off for the past days, laying on her bed and probably dead at this point. She hadn't been charging it, so the battery was flat. Rolling over on her side, she pondered if her friends had tried to contact her, were they worried? She hoped they wouldn't be worried. It would be a bad thing of anyone came over here now, that was for sure. 

She heard her name being called and looked up, swallowing as her father entered the room. Taking a breath, she smiled and laid back against the pillows. “Hi, papa~” She giggled, putting on a cute smile as she reached out for him. He chuckled and crawled up besides her with his usual grin. That grin that made her want to vomit. She took a breath and let him lean over her, forcing herself to not turn away.

Meanwhile, a certain tall girl was standing outside the house of her friend, nibbling on her lip. This was the right house, right? She looked down at the note she had been given from Monika then back up, noticing there were lights on in the house. Weren't they supposed to be on vacation..? Her violet eyes narrowed and she took a step towards the door, knocking slowly on the door. 

There were sounds from inside, and she heard something that reminded her of someone trying, and failing, to be quiet. Were they home after all? Perhaps they had come early. Though, that didn't explain why Natsuki hadn't been replying to her messages, or any of the messages from any of the club members for that matter. Was she alright? 

Fear gripped her as she carefully put her hand on the door handle, surprised to find the door unlocked. Stepping into the house, she closed the door behind her and made her way into the house. The stench was absolutely horrible and she had to put her hand in front of her mouth to note puke. The smell of old alcohol and rotting food, mixed with some other kind of smell she couldn't quite place, but it reminded her of the smell of blood. 

Blood was a smell Yuri was familiar with due to her unusual hobbies, but smelling it in this context made her swallow nervously and look around. Where was Natsuki? She needed to know that her friend was safe. Ever since she had left for 'vacation', she had felt her heart ache for the smaller girl. A girl she had come to care very deeply for over just the past two months. It was too strange, the timing of this sudden twist.

Natsuki had been sleeping in her arm, crying over stress and hunger. Having an anxiety attack in the school bathroom while clinging to the girl she usually argued with. She had gone home late, even though Yuri knew very well she would get in trouble for staying. Natsuki always got in trouble for staying too late with her friends. 

Had her father done something to her? Yuri had always had a bad feeling about Natsuki's father, but she had never spoken up about it. The way Natsuki would shy away from any kind of violence, shy away from bodily contact. She had seen the bruises, she had seen the fear in Natsuki's eyes. She had seen how nervous she acted. 

Yuri had seen past the act she put up, seen past the walls that hid a very scared teen. The wall that hid a girl afraid of rejection, afraid of hurt, afraid of love. Taking a breath, the girl slowly walked towards the sound of rustling, sounds which made the hairs on the back of her mind stand up. These .. were not sounds she had expected to hear in this household. Not sounds she had wished to hear in a house with only a father and daughter.

Hurrying up, her footsteps made harsh sounds against the wooden floors as she ran up the stairs, not giving them a chance to react as she flung the door open to Natsuki's father's bedroom. The sight she witnessed made her recoil and hold both hands in front of her mouth so she wouldn't throw up right there. 

Shock coursed through her, and she couldn't quite take in what she saw. Natsuki, her dear sweet Natsuki, on her father's bed with that bastard towering over her. She looked away, unable to bear the sight any longer. Even without details, she knew what was happening. Why.. Why was this happening.. Why hadn't Natsuki told anyone? This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening to that sweet girl. 

Yuri backed up, about to run and call the police when she felt someone holding her arm, looking up to see Natsuki's father towering over her in the doorway. There was a scowl on his face, a proud glint in his eyes like he didn't think he had done anything wrong. “You're Yuri, right? Natsuki's friend. As you can see we're busy right now.” He sneered, squeezing her arm tighter before leaning down to whisper in her ear.

“If you tell anyone, I won't hesitate to take a knife to her heart. You wouldn't want to be responsible for your friend's death.. would you..? If you think I wouldn't, then you're a foolish girl.” 

Yuri gasped and looked past him to see her friend sitting up on the bed. There was a vulnerable look in Natsuki's eyes as she held the blanket to her chest, hiding herself from the eyes of her friend. Yuri could see the fear, the shame, a silent cry for help. Natsuki turned her head away, tears slipping down her cheeks as she slowly shook her head, turning back to Yuri.

Yuri bit her lip as she took in the injuries. The dried blood on her skin, her tired and starved look, the pink hair hanging around her face. Natsuki was in obvious pain, both emotionally and physically. Swallowing, she kept her eyes on Natsuki as the man had his grip on her arm, waiting for her response. 

The pinkette mouthed the words “Don't tell anyone..”, locking her eyes with Yuri. The taller girl's eyes widened in dismay and panic, unsure of what to do. Natsuki was afraid, afraid of anyone knowing what was happening behind closed doors. Natsuki didn't want her to tell, and if she told she might be responsible for the innocent girl's death. 

But at the same time, Yuri couldn't allow this to keep happening. 

She would have to be tactful about this, finding a way to get Natsuki out of this home without injuring her further. Turning to the man holding her, she sneered back at him and narrowed her eyes. “I won't tell anyone..” She confirmed with a glance at Natsuki, stumbling backwards when she was let go. 

Fury fueled her as she stepped back, not caring about the bruise forming on her arm. With one last glance at Natsuki, she turned around and disappeared out of the house. Her heart ached for the girl she had come to develop feelings for, and rage settled in between the cracks. He would get his punishment, she would make sure of it. 

There had to be a way she could get to Natsuki alone to make a plan, without him coming in the way. She knew which window belonged to her father's room now, perhaps she could climb up to sneak in a note, or possibly even speak to Natsuki herself. 

The whole way home, Yuri was planning. Planning how to seek revenge on this evil man, this man was not allowed to life on this earth. Who knew how many more were suffering under his dark rule? She would get rid of him, even if it cost her everything. Natsuki had to be protected at all cost, and she felt her heart ache again as the image of the small girl on the bed flashed in her mind. 

Stopping, Yuri looked up at the sky and closed her eyes, letting the wind take grip of her hair. “I'm with you, Natsuki.. I'll save you. Just give me time.” She spoke to the wind, glancing at the stars as if expecting an answer. 

“I promise I'll save you...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooof...  
> This is the heaviest chapter I've written and I'm honestly so emotionally drained right now. I didn't think it would be so hard for me to write this, but it is.   
> I'm sorry if some parts are clumsy, this ended up hitting kind of close so my emotions were all over the place while writing.


	6. UPDATE

I'm sorry for the long wait for the next chapter, but I have to be honest that I'm not doing well right now. I've had to move back with my parents for a little while while things settle down and I don't have my computer here.. I've started writing chapter 6 but there is too much going on with my health right now to be able to focus on a good chapter. 

I'm active on my instagram RP account "cupcake.weeb" if you want to follow updates and some casual writing.   
I also have twitter at "CosLuna".

I hope you guys understand and I'll try really hard to get better so I can finish chapter 6! \o/


	7. Hellfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof.. I'm so sorry for the long break. I literally haven't been able to write anything on this fic for the longest time. First I was on vacation, then I was too tired and then it just .. I don't know. I felt really bad about all the things I put Natsuki through and my guilt killed my muse. But I felt even worse about keeping this fic unfinished so here we go. It's short, but at least it's something to get me back into the spin of things ><

The abuse continued, getting worse each day she spent with her father. Natsuki barely felt anything anymore, the pain didn't bother her, nor did the horrific actions he put her through. The knowledge that she would never be able to give her innocence to someone he truly loved had stopped nagging in the back of her mind. 

This sweet act continued for three more days, having to hold the man that hurt her, having to moan into his ear and tell him she loved him. That he would always be her Papa, that she was a good girl. Natsuki had never imagined her father would take things this far.. She had never imagined he would actually have sex with his daughter. What kind of sick freak did this? 

She didn't know. 

All she had left were questions that would never be answered, pain without reason. Doubt, anxiety, intense fear.. She felt none of this any longer. The young adult felt nothing other than a cold hum of the numbness that had frozen her feelings. If she didn't feel, he couldn't hurt her. That was at least what she told herself every day he came into this room. 

With a disgusted snort, she turned over on her side and wrapped her arms around her chest. At least she wouldn't have to bear him a child. For the past year Natsuki had taken birth control, not really for any special reason, but she was glad she had made decision now. If she had become pregnant due to this, she would have killed herself on the spot. 

There was no cell in her mind that wanted that, not even in her wildest and most deprived fantasies did she want something like this to happen. She had always wanted a caring lover, someone she could bake cupcakes to. Someone she could greet with a smile and a hug when they returned from work. 

Natsuki had always longed for someone that loved her, someone she could love in return. But that reality seemed to drift farther away each day. No one could love a girl as broken as she was. No one could love a girl who's father raped them. No one could love a girl like her.. 

She sobbed softly as she curled up, the house quiet due to her father going to the bar. This morning he had untied her from the bed, stroking her chin and praising her for being a good girl. She supposed at least this act had given her some privilege. But the price she had paid was too great for just a couple hours a day alone. 

At least it gave her the opportunity to get her pill and she had hid her phone under the pillow. The charger was neatly tucked away under the bloodied mattress. She had been able to tell the other girls she was fine, but she had not been able to receive a response from Yuri. 

Ah.. Yuri..

She still remembered the horror on her face as she saw her, the shock and anger residing in the tall girl. Yuri hadn't tried to contact her, most likely out of fear that her father would do something to her. He had made it very clear that Natsuki was to stay in this house, stay in this bed. The words still rung in her ears. 

“If you tell anyone, I won't hesitate to take a knife to her heart.” 

She had overheard those words, and had felt a chill down her spine. Shifting her bruised legs, she sat up slightly and pulled out her phone from under the pillow, turning it on. A couple game notifications popped up on the screen, but she ignored those. The group chat was full of chatter about today's class, nothing important.

But what was important, was a message from Yuri. It was a short message, but she gripped the phone tighter with her bloodied fingers. 

Y: Natsuki. Are you alone? 

Her breath caught in her throat and she looked up, knowing her father would be out for a couple hours still. He was at the bar, getting nice and drunk for him to come home and continue this game. This horrible, horrible game. 

N: Yes. 

Y: I don't know how much time you have, but listen. I will get you out. I can't call the police, not yet. 

Natsuki's nose wrinkled slightly, causing her to wince softly in pain. She understood Yuri's hesitance on the matter, the threat from her father was a true one, and they both knew this. But what was her plan..? She watched those three dancing dots on the screen, leaning forward a bit to see her next message.

Y: We need to find a way for me to be with you when I call them. So I can protect you, make sure he won't be able to harm you more. 

Y: When does he usually leave the house? Will you be able to let me in? We need to end this, Natsuki. I can't bear the thought of you with that disgusting demon of a man! 

She recoiled slightly at the text, rubbing at her sore eyes for a moment. Her heart soared at the sweet words in her messages. Protect..? Yuri wanted to protect her? Leaning back against the pillows, she begun to reply. 

N: I can't believe you use such strong words, Yuri. 

N: He is gone right now but I can't say for how long.. 

N: He is usually gone from 12 to 2, sometimes from 5 to midnight.

N: I can try to make him leave.. if I give him something.

Her blood ran cold at her plan, and she couldn't help but shut her eyes while imagining what he would ask for in return. But surely, one last experience in hell would be worth it for a life of freedom? A life with her friends. Possibly even a life with a lover..? 

She begun typing again, ignoring those dancing dots that alerted her of Yuri typing. The tall girl would attempt to talk her out of it. Her fingers trembled as she typed, tears slipping down her cheeks as she stole a glance at the bloodied bed sheets. Too much of her blood had been spilled just the past days. 

N: I've made up my mind.

N: Don't try to stop me. 

N: We're fucking doing this. 

Y: Natsuki.. 

N: No! We're doing this, Yuri. Tell the others, I don't want them to know but they'll know anyways. We need more manpower I can't fight him on my own. And you know I can handle my own pretty well in a fight. 

N: This ends now. I'll text you when I've done my part.

She shut off her phone and slipped it back under the mattress, not giving Yuri time to reply. What could she possibly give her father that would please him? Ah. Maybe she could promise him a child or something? Not likely. Since he hated her there was no use for babies. He had all the sex he wanted, not willingly but he had it already. What if.. 

With a sigh, she curled up on her side and looked at her hands. She would tell him that she would do what he had always wanted. Allow him to bring a couple friends over to take part in the fun. That would make him happy and probably rush out of the house to notify his friends. And, if her friends were quick, she wouldn't need to actually do anything.

It was settled then.

It took a couple hours before her father came home, she heard his footsteps and she quickly sat up in her bed to greet him. The moment he walked into the room, she smiled and lifted her arms towards him. The movement hurt, but she masked it with a soft smile. 

“I missed you, Papa..” She spoke softly, smiling as she was pulled close by that disgusting man. He hummed softly and stroked his hands through her short hair and kissed her forehead. He smelled like liquor and cheap perfume. 

“Hey.. Papa? I was thinking..” She hummed softly and pushed up against him, kissing his jawline while rubbing his chest. She felt disgusting, trembling a little as she forced the words out. “I was thinking.. Your friends from the bar might want some fun too.. right..? Maybe you should invite them over?” 

A rumbling chuckle came from the man above her as he tilted his head, smirking a little down at his daughter. “You want company, sweetheart? What a good little girl you are..” Leaning into kiss her, he held the back of her head as he harshly bit her lip, making Natsuki whimper softly in pain.

She was numb to all of this. She just had to last for a couple more moments before it was all over..

“I guess I can ask a few of my friends to come over.. Hm.. Let me go back to the bar for a moment. They're there and we can schedule for tomorrow~ I have such a good girl..” She rubbed against his hand for a moment before kissing it. 

Natsuki nodded and watched him leave the room with a smile. The instant she heard the door closing and locking she got out her phone and called Yuri. It only called for a couple seconds then she picked up. “Yuri. Shut up. I need you to take the others and come over here. Now. Within five minutes. My dad will be out for half an hour tops. “ 

She hung up the phone and stood up on shaky legs. How long had it been since she stood up now? Four? Maybe.. 

But she had to try getting to her room to get dressed. And so she did. Putting on a simple black t-shirt and some panties and a skirt, she perked up as there was a knock on the door. They were here.. It was time for her plan. 

Natsuki made her way down the stairs slowly, her bloody legs barely keeping her weight up as she opened the door, looking at her friend's horrified expressions. Monika's mouth was halfway open, Sayori looked about to cry and Yuri ran over to support Natsuki. Yuri's strong arms kept her up as Natsuki panted, looking up at her friends.

“There's no time to.. ngh.. explain. I know this looks fucking horrible. We don't have much time.” With a tremble, she put her weight on Yuri with a gasp of pain. “Monika, Sayori. Hide in the kitchen and come out if we need help. Yuri, come with me upstairs to pack. We are leaving.” 

The three other girls nodded and took their stations, Yuri starting to lead Natsuki upstairs. “I'm not sure about this, Natsuki.. What did you tell him? What's at risk if this goes wrong?” Yuri's purple eyes glanced at her friend as she helped Natsuki sit down on her own bed. Yuri begun packing down Natsuki's things, not wanting the petite girl to strain herself. She looked horrible.. There was so much dried blood in her hair, her face.. Ever surface she could see was covered in dirt and blood. 

“.. I'll have to have sex with his friends..” Natsuki mumbled softly, looking down at her hands as she sat on the bed. She could see Yuri stiffening in the corner of her room.”It can't come to that. It wont. We are going to get out of here I ..” Natsuki stopped talking and closed her eyes. Time was going by too slowly. 

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she shook, Yuri quickly moving up to hold the small girl. Natsuki cried. She cried into Yuri's chest as the taller girl held her. “It's okay, Natsuki.. We'll get you out. We'll get you to a hospital. Monika has already offered that her family pay for you. You'll be okay..” 

Yuri held Natsuki close, rubbing her back in slow circles as she whispered soft words into her ear. “You can stay with me.. I'll get you your own room. You can have all the things you want. I'll keep you sa-” Yuri was interrupted at a noise from downstairs. Looking up, the tall girl scowled slightly. The door downstairs was unlocking.

“Shit.” Came a quiet whimper from Natsuki as she buried deeper into Yuri's chest. The taller girl held Natsuki to her chest as she looked towards the bedroom door. Natsuki could feel Yuri's grip on her, knowing she was trying to protect her. But Natsuki knew she would never let Yuri go down. Not for this. Yuri was too precious to her, it would be her fault if something happened. 

“What a sweet scene.” Came a growl from the door as the two girls looked up. Yuri held Natsuki's head to her chest as she snarled at the tall figure at the door. There was no way the tall girl would let anyone hurt Natsuki again. 

It seemed like the two teens were in a silent conflict, neither of them wanted the other to be hurt. But that choice wasn't up to them. 

In a blink of an eye, a gun was lifted and aimed at the purple haired young woman, magenta eyes widening as she realized what was happening. The man roared as he stepped forward, his eyes blazing. “You're not taking my little girl away!” 

The situation played out in the blink of an eye. Natsuki twisted out of Yuri's grip and tried to make a run for her father just as he pulled the trigger. 

White flashed behind Natsuki's eyes as the bullet pierced her body right beneath her ribcage on her left side. The petite girl could hear a cry from her taller friend. She could hear footsteps running up the stairs, the sound of her father being tackled down by Monika and Sayori. 

The pinkette fell to the floor with a thud, blood pooling from her wound. Yuri was screaming for Monika to call an ambulance, hurrying to sit down by Natsuki's head to pull it into her lap. Gentle fingers were stroking her pale cheeks, trying to calm her down. She could hear the soft words, telling her she would be okay. But there was a deep panic as well. Natsuki however, was feeling at peace. 

Dots danced before her eyes, every possible color visible to her, the voices were slowly becoming muffled. Was she dying? 

The last thing Natsuki heard before the darkness closed in, was a soft sob from above her and the words. “I love you.” 

Natsuki woke up in a corn field, the skies were clear and there was gentle breeze in the wind. Was she .. dead? This was some kind of weird analogy for heaven, right? It had to be. Her body was already so weak, there was no way she would be surviving a gunshot wound. 

Standing up, she looked at her arms and noticed how she was cleaned of all blood and dirt, her injuries seemed to have healed. Yup. This had to be heaven. Her suspicions were further proved as she looked up to see a figure moving towards her. The only thing she could see was a long, white dress and pink hair. 

Her mother.

“Mom..?” She gasped softly and ran to the woman, wrapping her arms around her tightly with a soft sob. “Mom.. Mom! I've missed you.. You have no idea.. You..” The woman shook her head and pulled the young girl closer, stroking her hair with soft fingers. 

“You need to go back, my dear.. There's someone waiting for you.” She whispered softly and lifted Natsuki's face into her hands, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “You need to stay strong for me, my sweet girl.. My poor innocent little girl.. Your father.. I never thought he would do any of these things to you.” She shook her head and frowned, resting her head on top of that of her daughter. “But you will make it through.. You have you friends to support you. My strong girl..”

Natsuki sobbed softly and clung to her before she shook her head. “No! No I.. I can't go back.. Mom! Mom I want to stay with you..” She whimpered softly as the landscape around them begun fading. Natsuki held onto the moment of kindness for a little while longer, until everything around her faded to black.

There was a loud beeping noise that made her head reel as she slowly opened her eyes. “Nh..” Why did her throat feel dry? What was even going on? Where was she? It was white, too damn bright.. And that damn beeping. Everything was blurry for awhile, her head feeling fuzzy. Until she could feel that someone was holding her hand.

Was she back in her house? 

Had the plan failed?

Her head turned to the side where she could see Yuri sitting in a chair, seeming to be asleep as she held Natsuki's hand in a gentle grip. A hospital..? Yeah. That had to be right. Besides Yuri she could see a heart monitor which was the source of the annoying beeps. On the other side of here hung bags of IV fluid, probably stuff to keep her alive and kicking. 

Most of her body was bandaged up and she had been cleaned, her hair falling neatly around her face as she laid back against the pillows. She was alive. She still had to figure out what happened to her father, what her fate was. But for now, she was alive. She had to stay strong for her mother, work through this trauma until she could live a normal life. Maybe even a normal life with.. Yuri..

Maybe things could finally look up for the abused girl. Maybe she could finally be happy.. For the first time in months, Natsuki closed her eyes and smiled despite the exhaustion tugging at her features. 

Yuri woke after a couple minutes, standing up almost instantly and taking Natsuki's face in her hands, stroking those pale cheeks with extreme care. “I'm here..” She whispered softly and kissed her forehead, Natsuki shivered slightly, but didn't complain. “ You're safe.. Nothing can hurt you now. Just rest. You need to heal.. No questions. “ 

Yuri chuckled softly as she saw the look on Natsuki's face, knowing there was about to be questions. “Rest..” Was the final command she gave the pinkette as she helped her lay down, stroking her cheek slowly. 

Natsuki sighed softly before she nodded. “As long.. as you stay..” She rasped, her breath feeling stuck in her throat. There was a nod from the tall girl as she sat back down, holding onto Natsuki's hand as the smaller fell back to sleep. Tomorrow would be a brand new day..


End file.
